In a sense, im kidding. But this is legitimately my take on most things, especially other people’s bullshit

My advice is to find other neurodivergent people to do things with and avoid people who you have to mask with when doing fun things. Then train yourself to drop some of the masks to make activities less exhausting. Once you’re able to enjoy things more, then there’s more of a “point” to doing them (i.e. fun and stress release).

That’s just one way of handling it, but it’s how I have been working on it and it has helped. But it takes years to find and trust those groups and train yourself to be yourself (alcohol helped me open up some, but definitely not recommended for everyone).

I tried ketamine therapy last year. It helped a lot right until I had to stop, then I went right back to feeling nothing about everything. It actually had this side-effect where I no longer derive any joy from taking other psychedelics recreationally.

I’m trying different anti-depressants now and some of them make it worse, none really make it better. Though my ability to focus on things I have to do but don’t care about has gotten a little better.

I’m also basically just draining what little I had in my bank account doing all this bullshit.

I don’t think I’m autistic. But I’ve been a “nihilist” since before I knew that word or what it meant. The absurdism can be both a blessing and a curse.

I’ve always hoped I got it wrong, and there was something I just wasn’t able to see to derive SOME meaning or joy from existence. Watching the world this past year and just going through my usual work-eat-sleep cycle has put me in the “I guess I’ll just do this until I die” mode.

I have a wife and a sister that would be very upset if I killed myself, and I’m too old now to do something like that anyway. I try to read or play video games in my free time to just turn my brain off. It helps a little. Pets also help.

I’m trying to just be honest, genuine, and kind with other people to ease my self perspective until I finally drop dead. It feels nice to be real with people I don’t know, even if it’s a little off-putting to them. My perspective makes it difficult to connect with others. Being honest with anyone in that regard is a good way to “bum people out.” So having friends is mostly out of the equation. I have a few, but those friendships are definitely on their terms and have little to actually do with me. They enjoy my sincerity and honesty, I enjoy getting out of the house a few times a year.

I like to tell myself “Soon it will be just like it was before you were born. There will be nothing, you will be nothing, and it will mean nothing.” It’s like a little mantra, just to take the sting out of monotony.

Basically I’m just trying to do little things to ease others suffering with existing until I can finally be done with it. Seems to be the closest I can get to “peace.”

I typed this all knowing it would be zero-sum, at best. But it’s my very honest perspective on this exact situation. Maybe something in it will be relatable to someone. Sometimes that feels nice. Otherwise it’s just people typing at one another on the internet. Nothing relating to nobody.

You don’t sound like a nihilist, you sound deeply depressed. You can be a nihilist and depressed, but what you’re expression sounds much more like depression rather than nihilism.

Now if you’re numb then that’s something that has lots of possible causes. Depression, emotional processing, exhaustion, overstimulation, trauma-derived survival schemas, ennui, neurological stuff, etc.

The point of life is that there is no point, so you are free to choose what matters for you.