Ok, this gives me a great idea - a warlock whose patron is his own mlm scheme, he has to sell his shitty “get magic quick” scheme to lots of people to power up. “Just dedicate and focus your energies to the collective and you too can gain godlike powers, share it with your friends and loved ones. Join now and you’ll be empowered in no time. Empower 4 others and you’ll get candle lighting privileges! Reach archeon tier like me and you’ll be throwing fireballs, just 7 short tiers to work through, what better use for your time?”

Unless you’re in the middle of a major plague or have a ridiculous amount of war, peasants in a medieval-style world who survive young childhood should generally get to an age of about 60. Though getting old with medieval-level medicine while working a physically demanding job probably sucks hard.

Nah. More like early thirties. Average life expectancy in the dark ages was 30 or something, but that’s just because most people died very young, mostly as babies. If you managed to grow up at all, you could reach your 50s or 60s.

One in eight Commoners has 1 hp. I doubt they’d even make it to their teens.

What’s missing is the Mud Wizard.

I’m currently placing a sentient spellbook piloting a mannequin. It’s telepathic, too, and I love switching between the robot “outside” voice and the more demonic “inside” voice. For even more dramatic effect, it can summon it’s own soul (Scribes Wizard works extremely well for this concept)

Hear me out: I played with an orc fighter who was convinced he was a mage, and tried to convince the rest of the party of the same thing. He carried a cast iron pan as his weapon, and his spells were “pan toss” and “pan smack”. There were a lot of laughs when NPC’s would be like “you’re clearly a fighter, you’re wearing plate armor” and he’d say it was his spell casting focus.

I played a Protector Aasimar Barbarian named Krill who was a fairly average scholar who had decided studying wasn’t for him. He heard somebody talking about “Power Word Krill,” and decided that he wanted to learn how to do it. He would basically go along with the party on everything (sometimes a little too quickly, he was hard to kill and often forgot others were squishier), but was absolutely obsessed with finding Power Word Krill.

He was asked multiple times if he was instead looking for “Power Word Kill,” but he really wanted to summon a lot of small crustaceans on demand. Or maybe it would just summon a big one, he didn’t know and was fine with either situation.

My wife is currently playing an asamar druid that was a drug dealer to the noble families of baldurs gate lol

In Pathfinder, as a Tanuki you can take a feat called Teakettle Form that allows you to change into a inanimate object (like a hat) and if you’re a witch you can have your familiar take a humanoid form.

@its_kim_love @Stamets Shades of discworld logic, right there.

Fuck that’s cool

I once played an ace bard. He only cares about the music. He also unconditionally oozed sex appeal.

my horny bard played spoons but go off

yeah, i like the hat being a cursed hermit crab that acquires new, uh, “transport” each level making them stronger.

i really need to find a pathfinder game it has fun sounding classes. do the tanuki have magic scrotum power or do i have to RP that

i had a rogue that i claimed to have forgotten the name to each session. in reality, i was playing them under a false identity and hiding from the thieves guild, that was just me dropping bread crumbs. that was fun.

I also had an ace bard! Red dragonborn who was head cheerleader at his school and only wanted a puppy during the campaign. The puppy then proceeded to be carried around on said bard’s head.