I don’t get it. Obviously hobgoblins don’t think hobgoblins are ugly.

Only one that’s terrible is the washboard bard, but that’s just my personal dislike of the horny bard trope

That sounds very cute! I’m thinking of the players who seem to need secret knowledge over the other players.

I was in a game with a secret were-rat who was constantly passing notes to the gm and then you’d wake up missing items or finding NPCs you liked dead and the player would angrily deny having anything to do with it. We all saw you pass a note.

A friend of mine once intentionally derailed a pug game by playing a priest of torm who was convinced that torm was black, to piss off the gm and the paladin of torm who were super racist. We probably shouldve just left the game, but we were asshole teens.

Heard one on the weekend - a party of warlocks who are all each other’s patrons through the power of friendship.

I want this as a Dimension 20 series so bad.

Yo why this post out here hating on my boi 035?

Ok, this gives me a great idea - a warlock whose patron is his own mlm scheme, he has to sell his shitty “get magic quick” scheme to lots of people to power up. “Just dedicate and focus your energies to the collective and you too can gain godlike powers, share it with your friends and loved ones. Join now and you’ll be empowered in no time. Empower 4 others and you’ll get candle lighting privileges! Reach archeon tier like me and you’ll be throwing fireballs, just 7 short tiers to work through, what better use for your time?”

Unless you’re in the middle of a major plague or have a ridiculous amount of war, peasants in a medieval-style world who survive young childhood should generally get to an age of about 60. Though getting old with medieval-level medicine while working a physically demanding job probably sucks hard.

Nah. More like early thirties. Average life expectancy in the dark ages was 30 or something, but that’s just because most people died very young, mostly as babies. If you managed to grow up at all, you could reach your 50s or 60s.

One in eight Commoners has 1 hp. I doubt they’d even make it to their teens.

What’s missing is the Mud Wizard.

I’m currently placing a sentient spellbook piloting a mannequin. It’s telepathic, too, and I love switching between the robot “outside” voice and the more demonic “inside” voice. For even more dramatic effect, it can summon it’s own soul (Scribes Wizard works extremely well for this concept)

Hear me out: I played with an orc fighter who was convinced he was a mage, and tried to convince the rest of the party of the same thing. He carried a cast iron pan as his weapon, and his spells were “pan toss” and “pan smack”. There were a lot of laughs when NPC’s would be like “you’re clearly a fighter, you’re wearing plate armor” and he’d say it was his spell casting focus.

I played a Protector Aasimar Barbarian named Krill who was a fairly average scholar who had decided studying wasn’t for him. He heard somebody talking about “Power Word Krill,” and decided that he wanted to learn how to do it. He would basically go along with the party on everything (sometimes a little too quickly, he was hard to kill and often forgot others were squishier), but was absolutely obsessed with finding Power Word Krill.

He was asked multiple times if he was instead looking for “Power Word Kill,” but he really wanted to summon a lot of small crustaceans on demand. Or maybe it would just summon a big one, he didn’t know and was fine with either situation.

My wife is currently playing an asamar druid that was a drug dealer to the noble families of baldurs gate lol

In Pathfinder, as a Tanuki you can take a feat called Teakettle Form that allows you to change into a inanimate object (like a hat) and if you’re a witch you can have your familiar take a humanoid form.

@its_kim_love @Stamets Shades of discworld logic, right there.

Fuck that’s cool

I once played an ace bard. He only cares about the music. He also unconditionally oozed sex appeal.

my horny bard played spoons but go off