Can’t stop giggling. Thank you.

Okay now do Lot

How is each an every one of them a hit. Great consistency, 10/10 post

One nitpick- Solomon using demonic assistance to build his Temple is extrabiblical lore. I believe that Solomon’s command over demons might be mentioned in the Talmud, but not in the Bible itself.

LOT: Look I know we didn’t get the hint very quickly but I think sending angels to literally handhold us out of the city might be too much railroading for me.

GM: Alright, I’m sorry, I just… I spent all afternoon planning stuff in Zoara.

EDITH: Hey, I know they said not to look back, but I want to look back. They’ll never notice.

GM: You sure about that?

EDITH: Let me enjoy seeing Steve get divinely smote at least

GM: Alright, roll a Con save

EDITH: Con save? To look without the angels noticing?

GM: It’s not about the angels

I thank thee. Hopefully the GM’s not too salty about Edith wandering off the main storyline again

The ending of that Daniel story is definitely something.

At the king’s command, the men who had falsely accused Daniel were brought in and thrown into the lions’ den, along with their wives and children. And before they reached the floor of the den, the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones.

The story of Elisha and the boys deserves to be “nitpicked” as well. I haven’t checked for myself, but from what I understand most secular and non-secular scholars agree that the Hebrew term includes babies all the way to “boys” who are in their twenties. This makes better sense of how the term is used in other passages and of why Elisha would encounter 42 of them (which only counts those who were mauled) just hanging out in the countryside.

Lol funny, but also, they were money changers, not money lenders. Exchanging foreign currencies.

While we’re at it, myrrh was a fragrant resin used in all sorts of applications, not just for embalming.

That ending written by the Three Stooges writers

I guess I’ll keep it going. Moses means “to pull out from the water,” so he wouldn’t have been “Moses” while placing him in the basket.

Also, why would the daughter of the dude supposedly killing all of the slave babies be like, “I’m gonna name this baby using the slaves’ language.”

DM: Not that one, Job: I have a special d20 just for you!

There is a convenience store I stop at which has a self help / religious book rack. On it, there is a copy of “The Action Bible”, and, given it’s cover, I assume this is the DMG for OPs campaign.

He was being chased by a gang of young men, not just being made fun of by some random children.

Translation is a scholarly art, and English translations - and the masses understanding of them - are like the restoration of the Ecce Homo fresco.

I’ll point out that the “Jesus and the fig tree” story is a parable. It’s made fun of a lot, but it’s a vicious lesson by someone who was very theatrical in their teaching style. The fig tree is Israel, who were expected by their god to always be in season and ready for their messiah. But when Jesus arrived, they were not in season, and so were cursed to never bear fruit again. It wasn’t an agricultural misunderstanding, it was a lesson and everything that surrounds it gives it context.

Asked one of those “Bible is all literal truth” guys one day, “How did Jesus teach?”

“?”

“He taught in parables, right? Stories that aren’t true, meant to illustrate a point.”

“Ok.”

“Is it possible other Bible stories are parables?”

“?”

That was the one I didn’t get. What’s it about?

Almost everything in there is a parable. It’s a cultural thing, because stories were only worth preserving as a lesson. The concept of preserving objective reality for its own sake is a very modern and recent ideology. It would have been seen as madness by ancient peoples.