#agile #scrum #tech #softwaredevelopment #meme #funny
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@PavelASamsonov The Scrum Master watches all.
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@PavelASamsonov Wow. I haveread Charles Stross's "The Rhesus Chart", the 5th book of the Laundry Files, where a scrum of amoral investment bank quants turn into vampires. I figured scrum was generic British slang for an office team. Now after 30 seconds of googling for agile scrum I am truly chilled to the bone.
@mwshook @PavelASamsonov It's actually not that bad as a starting point. One of the heavier agile process systems but it's workable and it works within a large business that expects a bunch of process. Has established roles that are well described, which is pretty important if you are required to work within the bounds of a QMS.
People love to hate on it but it's better than a lot of the alternatives. Provides some structure for leaders who can't seem to come up with any otherwise.
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Manic extra-extra-extroverted middle managers hog all the air on the morning call, giving the product owner an egojob over the phone, while introverted, soft-spoken engineers and experts don't get a word in edgewise; imbalanced tea ceremony where the geishas never leave, giving the Shogun a ceaseless blowjob, while the Samurai angstily await their turn to discuss important state matters & specifics of strategy. The whole company is just social lube, that doesn't deliver value.
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@PavelASamsonov this is a good one!
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Enter the world of people bashing scrum with arguments that make it painfully clear they never read more than two words about it.
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@mwshook @PavelASamsonov It's actually not that bad as a starting point. One of the heavier agile process systems but it's workable and it works within a large business that expects a bunch of process. Has established roles that are well described, which is pretty important if you are required to work within the bounds of a QMS.
People love to hate on it but it's better than a lot of the alternatives. Provides some structure for leaders who can't seem to come up with any otherwise.
@crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov There are some things that are useful in Scrum, but those things are usually what gets thrown out first.
Then there are things like ”velocity” that is some real bullshit.
And once you have ”leaders” imposing Scrum, it’s not self-organised anymore. So in practice it probably only works when the team is self-organised to begin with, which makes the whole framework have very limited value.
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@PavelASamsonov original and non altered:
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@PavelASamsonov
thats lowkey scarry man
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@PavelASamsonov That's the truth about it. I know people who read tons of books about Scrum, yet failed to read the 11 page (certainly not a book!) Scrum Guide, which is really all you ever need to read about it.
95% of Scrum books just complicate and confuse matters over something that should be really quite simple.
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@crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov There are some things that are useful in Scrum, but those things are usually what gets thrown out first.
Then there are things like ”velocity” that is some real bullshit.
And once you have ”leaders” imposing Scrum, it’s not self-organised anymore. So in practice it probably only works when the team is self-organised to begin with, which makes the whole framework have very limited value.
@ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov Velocity has nothing to do with Scrum. It's mentioned exactly 0 times in the Scrum guide. And that is really where the problem with "Scrum" starts... the Scrum-Industrial-Complex tries to sell you all this extra crap on top... (Jira, story points, planning poker, and whatever crap you can turn into a paid-for training...or book!)
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@ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov Velocity has nothing to do with Scrum. It's mentioned exactly 0 times in the Scrum guide. And that is really where the problem with "Scrum" starts... the Scrum-Industrial-Complex tries to sell you all this extra crap on top... (Jira, story points, planning poker, and whatever crap you can turn into a paid-for training...or book!)
@kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie @PavelASamsonov I understand very little of what's being said here, but it gives some context to the scene where the newly vampiric quant scrum sits in front of a whiteboard with post-its, listing traditional vampire powers and weaknesses, developing an action plan and assigning members to test them out.
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@kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie @PavelASamsonov I understand very little of what's being said here, but it gives some context to the scene where the newly vampiric quant scrum sits in front of a whiteboard with post-its, listing traditional vampire powers and weaknesses, developing an action plan and assigning members to test them out.
@mwshook sounds like Kanban @kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie
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@mwshook sounds like Kanban @kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie
@PavelASamsonov @mwshook @kwramm @ahltorp A kanban like board is used. Pretty much all the agile methodologies use them. Scrum adds a bunch of other stuff that made it acceptable to PM types when Agile was newer. Now Agile is fairly well recognized as a valid approach to PM.
Most teams are probably better off going more the LEAN route than Scrum. LEAN is basically, KanBan+ whatever works--the object to whittle down your process to the bare essentials so you can just make stuff.
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@ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov Velocity has nothing to do with Scrum. It's mentioned exactly 0 times in the Scrum guide. And that is really where the problem with "Scrum" starts... the Scrum-Industrial-Complex tries to sell you all this extra crap on top... (Jira, story points, planning poker, and whatever crap you can turn into a paid-for training...or book!)
@kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov for the record, "rock solid velocity" was the end-goal of James Shore's version of Agile (not Scrum), which I have always appreciated.
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@mwshook @PavelASamsonov It's actually not that bad as a starting point. One of the heavier agile process systems but it's workable and it works within a large business that expects a bunch of process. Has established roles that are well described, which is pretty important if you are required to work within the bounds of a QMS.
People love to hate on it but it's better than a lot of the alternatives. Provides some structure for leaders who can't seem to come up with any otherwise.
@crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov as process, it's tolerable(ish), but the trap is that it is entirely agnostic to the rigorous technical practices that made early XP teams successful—so it's up to the people doing the actual work to maintain internal quality in the face of pressure from clueless MBA types to "make number go up."
But hey, let's tag in @jamesshore for fun. Hi, Jim!
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@PavelASamsonov Wow. I haveread Charles Stross's "The Rhesus Chart", the 5th book of the Laundry Files, where a scrum of amoral investment bank quants turn into vampires. I figured scrum was generic British slang for an office team. Now after 30 seconds of googling for agile scrum I am truly chilled to the bone.
The Laundry books are like that, a nice Lovecraftian (or other) horror story spliced with Cold War bureaucracy and IT.
This moose got nowhere near "death march" programming and Agile, but did have to endure ISO9000/BS5750 and "Lean", plus "Race to the bottom" Outsourcing/Offshoring, "Everything at the cheapest possible price", and every problem/change management system being worse than the one before.
I'm retired now. I have no regrets.
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@PavelASamsonov Wow. I haveread Charles Stross's "The Rhesus Chart", the 5th book of the Laundry Files, where a scrum of amoral investment bank quants turn into vampires. I figured scrum was generic British slang for an office team. Now after 30 seconds of googling for agile scrum I am truly chilled to the bone.
@mwshook I always thought the collective noun for a group of bankers should be „a wunch“.
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@PavelASamsonov @cstross SCRUM were a nice common sense idea once. Then management and consultants got hold of it.
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@crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov There are some things that are useful in Scrum, but those things are usually what gets thrown out first.
Then there are things like ”velocity” that is some real bullshit.
And once you have ”leaders” imposing Scrum, it’s not self-organised anymore. So in practice it probably only works when the team is self-organised to begin with, which makes the whole framework have very limited value.
@ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov It's all just "we suck at gathering requirements and writing specifications so we're going to dress that up as a virtue and give it a fancy name".
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@kwramm @ahltorp @crazyeddie @mwshook @PavelASamsonov for the record, "rock solid velocity" was the end-goal of James Shore's version of Agile (not Scrum), which I have always appreciated.
@travisfw @kwramm The ”immutable” Scrum Guide has been updated(!) many times since I was doing anything called Scrum more than 15 years ago, and conveniently that version of the document seems hard to find, but I believe you. But even the current Scrum Guide says that ”Other sources provide patterns, processes, and insights that complement the Scrum framework”.
