Try one in your world today
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Luckily, most of these arguments assume living clowns. Something that can be easily remedied, it just shifts the entire problem space to doing it fast enough!
On that note, what’s their EXP value?
Immortal Clowns of Jest. Zero XP and their death only fuels development of further abilities
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Never starve again with their endless supply of pies!
Probably bad that without the parentheses, I was already assuming this was some kind of horrific Sweeny Todd situation.
No, but the pies are a bit off, so they always give you the runs.
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Flawed bag of holding - it’s a bag of holding, but the dimensions inside are normal bag sized.
Movable rod - an immovable rod, but it can only resist up to 10lbs
Bed of comfort - it’s comfortable, just not the way you were hoping.
Vorple blade - it’s exactly what it is, but it’s too dull to cut and sharpening it would damage the enchantment.
So for the sword… Bludgeoning damage unless it’s a crit, and then the enchantment does it’s thing regardless of the sharpness?
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Immovable Rod: Only one end of the rod is fixed in space, the other end swings freely.
Immovable Rod: when activated, it becomes fixed in its position in space, ignoring the motion of the planet. The moment it’s activated, it flies off into the sky or through the earth depending on the time of day, destroying everything in its path.
Potentially extremely useful with a lot of planning, once.
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Caltrops of Seeking. Drawn to metal and increase chance to damage/hit metal boots.
They stick together though and must be manually placed one by one over an extended period of time.
Wouldn’t metal boots protect your feet from the caltrops?
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Immovable Rod: Only one end of the rod is fixed in space, the other end swings freely.
Immovable pendulum
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Wand of Fireball: has a medium chance of shooting a stream of cinnamon whiskey.
Imagine if they rolled the whiskey thing whenever they tried to use it. Then at the local tavern “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!”
(Dice clatter)
TPK.
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Not quite the same, but a Paladin in a campaign I was in once bought a Shield of Missile Attraction for cheap because the shopkeep thought it was cursed.
I hope while they were walking around, a projectile would just donk right into their shield on occasion, just to keep them on their toes.
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So for the sword… Bludgeoning damage unless it’s a crit, and then the enchantment does it’s thing regardless of the sharpness?
I was thinking a secret -2 to crit so it only actually crits on a nat 20
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Luckily, most of these arguments assume living clowns. Something that can be easily remedied, it just shifts the entire problem space to doing it fast enough!
On that note, what’s their EXP value?
They just despawn and it’s 1/10^(78) xp per clown.
A fraction of 1 EP for each atom in the universe.
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I have two I will be using in my next campaign:
Ring of attunement: Provides 1 extra attunement slot. (Requires attunement)
Event Staff: This staff allows the wielder to gain unquestioned entry into any “employees only” areas or zones otherwise off-limits to the public. Anyone (including actual staff or other officials) who sees the wielder in one of these areas will assume they are a known employee or other official who is granted special access to the area. Unfortunately, they will all also view the wielder as the least competent and least trustworthy employee or official with the organization. Any actions taken in the area are likely to be closely watched and highly scrutinized by any observer who would know better.
ETA: One from the current campaign in which I am a player character. Our DM thought of this one:
Bullet of Healing:
This magical bullet can be loaded into any firearm. Whomever is shot by this bullet first receives 1d6 piercing damage followed by 1d10 healing. If the initial damage causes recipient’s HP to fall below 0 before the bullet’s healing effects begin, they will fall unconscious and will not gain any healing effect from the bullet. Instead, one death save is automatically passed.
The Ring of Attunement idea has come up before, and if I remember correctly there’s a class (Artificer?) that gets a bonus based on how many items they have attuned, making it a genuinely useful item in niche cases.
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Can just imagine the arrow running around like a terrifying game of duck duck goose
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A magic sword that can instantly kill anything it touches but it’s stuck in it sheath and can’t be removed.
That’s just a regular YA novel sword
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Circlet of human perfection, but the creator had a really niche fetish.
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a skill scroll but the skill is related to an unknown knowledge of FORTRAN. Those who have used similar scrolls in the past have lost their sanity mumbling about “transitive arrays” to an early grave. many scholars believe the scrolls to be a form of dark magic and a form of punishment against man and his hubris.
a tome of summoning but it can only summon fictitious characters from textbooks. characters like the ones portrayed in math books and the like. you can use them an unlimited amount of times but they remember everything each time they come back. it’s a bad idea to summon them as fodder as they will eventually kill you out of desperation.
an amulet of perception, it really doesn’t do anything but turn you into a conceited astrology hipster that always gives their opinion on how you need to “open your chakra” and constantly attempts to strike up sexual awakenings with the general public. it has a hidden trait that enrages anyone that’s heavily spiritual or holy, temporarily turning them to evil.
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Sword with fire enchantment, fire has no regulator and cannot be turned off.
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Bag for holding:
It’s a bag of holding but instead of occupying a bag slot it must be kept in the main hand.
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Sweaty Sword:
Really good sword, strong steel. The handle is wrapped in living leather harvested from the palms of a cursed pervert. It’s always slightly warmer than your hand and it exudes a sticky substance that enhances grip. Smells like corn.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
Emergency Shews:
Bubble gum that turns into one time use sandals. Once the flavor runs out, you have 30 seconds before the gum expands into shoes. The sizes seem to have been printed on the gum but they’ve long since faded or rubbed off. Durian flavor.
Dead Cat Bounce:
A black bottle with a cat eye painted on it. If you drink the contents and die due to falling from a great height, you will be revived immediately and launched with equivalent force in a random direction.
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I gifted my party a sapient dagger. It was really good too. It was a 1d6 but let you attack again, but rolling a 5 or less on the die makes you insane because the dagger insults the user so badly for missing. If it happened 12 times, the character died. They used it from level 3 or 4 through the end of the campaign at level 18, since there was no cap on how often you could attack again.
Alternatively, rolling a 1 makes you roll the damage against yourself, but it’s a permanent loss of max HP as a psychic effect. It kills you if you hit 0 max HP. Anything that would let you recover the max HP, like straight-up wish (greater restoration isn’t good enough) also makes the dagger not work for you any more because you cheated.
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Wand of Wonder What This Does
A regular wand of wonder that comes with a gambling addiction.
I’m pretty sure that’s already standard for anyone happy to use a wand/rod of wonder after they know what it is.
