you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
I stood there, half-blind, lungs on fire, thinking:
We just got tear-gassed over a dildo.
Not a brick. Not a Molotov. Not a weapon.
A rubber dick.
That is how fragile federal masculinity is in 2026.
Hunter S. is smiling down from whatever opium laced reality he finds himself in. This is some top tier gonzo reporting.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn
Dildos, not deaths! 🥰
️
️🪈
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@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn @brunogirin I'm sad to say that this reads like classic ChatGPT in sentence structure
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@susankayequinn @brunogirin I'm sad to say that this reads like classic ChatGPT in sentence structure
@vaurora I think you have no idea what chatGPT sounds like... this is definitely not that
@brunogirin -
@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
Clearance-Bin Dildos is the first album by George Soros Bought Me A Handwarmer, surely?
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn give them their goddamned Pulitzer right now. Right. The. Hell. Now.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
Paraphrasing the dependent clauses that caught me:
When your brain says "Stop, this is insane," but your soul says, "No, don't stop, this is sacred"
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I read about tactical dicks
On company time -
@susankayequinn
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I read about tactical dicks
On company time -
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn this is glorious!
"The air vibrated with that very specific end-of-empire energy where your brain says this is insane but your soul says don’t stop, this is sacred."
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn the sad part of that is that was the MN National Guard in the yellow vests, which Waltz said was there to protect protesters, and they didn't stop to process what happened, they fired on people. Shame on them, and shame on Waltz.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn that was glorious.
I have an idea involving my expensive lightsaber and a dildo.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn What a marvel of a quote!!!!
> The very first rubber dick to touch government-issued leather boots triggered a full-blown chemical weapons response. That is not metaphor. That is not exaggeration. That is a literal sentence that happened in America in 2026.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn "the dildo(s) of consequences rarely arrives lubed."
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
@susankayequinn I'll note that it is possible to get suction cup dildos stuck onto windows, as seen last week in Chicago's northwest suburbs (though not as part of a known protest).
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
...these are the people that give me hope.
Wonderful story.
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
"While we didn’t shut down ICE that night, we did show that their power collapses the moment it’s confronted with absurdity.
We proved that you can bring a trillion-dollar security apparatus to its knees with one well-aimed rubber cock.
...
You can’t baton your way out of satire. You can’t gas a punchline. And you absolutely cannot maintain authority while tear-gassing people over a rubber dick."
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
THE DILDO DISTRIBUTION DELEGATION
The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics.
(www.closertotheedge.net)
This is brilliant. And hilarious. And probably a good model for protests against ICE everywhere. The revolution will be rubberized.
