Would work on me
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I had a bunch of baggage that made screening for kink both necessary and difficult for me while dating. Shortly before I met my husband, I thought about what makes someone a good dm or a good dom for me, and the Venn diagram was basically a circle. Then I thought about all the dms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes, and I started using dm as a green flag to investigate further.
Of course, my husband just put a quick, dry note in his profile, double checked near the end of the first date that I knew what it meant and was interested, and then we didn’t address it again until we had been on several dates and were more invested.
That’s better than my janky avoidant system, but my system works better than anything I’ve tried other than direct communication. But if you aren’t in a place where you can communicate directly with potential partners, you probably shouldn’t be trying to start anything(1). If you’re going to anyway, look for a partner who’s the right level of assertive for you, but it will come up as something problematic if you’re trying to enter a longer term relationship.
(1) In my case, it’s just that I had difficulty speaking plainly about my wants and needs before having sex with someone. I never had too much of an issue afterwards, but I also catch feelings after having sex with someone, so I need to get it out of the way first, because closed ltrs with incompatible partners suck.
man, I need to try online dating again
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man, I need to try online dating again
If you’re looking for actual dates, not hookups, I can very much recommend hinge. The platform makes it surprisingly easy to start a conversation.
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I had a bunch of baggage that made screening for kink both necessary and difficult for me while dating. Shortly before I met my husband, I thought about what makes someone a good dm or a good dom for me, and the Venn diagram was basically a circle. Then I thought about all the dms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes, and I started using dm as a green flag to investigate further.
Of course, my husband just put a quick, dry note in his profile, double checked near the end of the first date that I knew what it meant and was interested, and then we didn’t address it again until we had been on several dates and were more invested.
That’s better than my janky avoidant system, but my system works better than anything I’ve tried other than direct communication. But if you aren’t in a place where you can communicate directly with potential partners, you probably shouldn’t be trying to start anything(1). If you’re going to anyway, look for a partner who’s the right level of assertive for you, but it will come up as something problematic if you’re trying to enter a longer term relationship.
(1) In my case, it’s just that I had difficulty speaking plainly about my wants and needs before having sex with someone. I never had too much of an issue afterwards, but I also catch feelings after having sex with someone, so I need to get it out of the way first, because closed ltrs with incompatible partners suck.
Come for the memes, stay for the very good relationship advice.
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I had a bunch of baggage that made screening for kink both necessary and difficult for me while dating. Shortly before I met my husband, I thought about what makes someone a good dm or a good dom for me, and the Venn diagram was basically a circle. Then I thought about all the dms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes, and I started using dm as a green flag to investigate further.
Of course, my husband just put a quick, dry note in his profile, double checked near the end of the first date that I knew what it meant and was interested, and then we didn’t address it again until we had been on several dates and were more invested.
That’s better than my janky avoidant system, but my system works better than anything I’ve tried other than direct communication. But if you aren’t in a place where you can communicate directly with potential partners, you probably shouldn’t be trying to start anything(1). If you’re going to anyway, look for a partner who’s the right level of assertive for you, but it will come up as something problematic if you’re trying to enter a longer term relationship.
(1) In my case, it’s just that I had difficulty speaking plainly about my wants and needs before having sex with someone. I never had too much of an issue afterwards, but I also catch feelings after having sex with someone, so I need to get it out of the way first, because closed ltrs with incompatible partners suck.
I thought about all the gms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes
huh. I’m a gm but I’m an extremely subby rope bunny.
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Either way, you’re living your fantasies
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Really embarrassed for the person screenshotting themselves hitting on women, at least blur her image, and crop your screenshot, smdh
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I thought about all the gms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes
huh. I’m a gm but I’m an extremely subby rope bunny.
That’s actually also fine, because that’s very easy to feel out when talking to someone, IME. I was more trying to filter out the type of person who doesn’t know anything about BDSM but would enthusiastically agree to take control without doing any work to understand how to do things safely. I’m tired of being endangered because someone didn’t want to listen to me explaining that you need to avoid the kidneys in impact play or that you can’t put the entire body weight on an unsupported suspended strappado. I’m not good at sorting that type of person out in my dating life, unfortunately, but I can spot them immediately when they dm/talk about dming.
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Really embarrassed for the person screenshotting themselves hitting on women, at least blur her image, and crop your screenshot, smdh
And they’re not embarrassed, you’re taking on a burden no one’s carrying
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Death saving throws and the weeble-wobble effect is unironically one of the worst parts of dnd 5e and pathfinder 2e.
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Ahh, Hinge: the app for people that are too sophisticated for Tinder, but still superficial enough that their profiles are 90% photos.
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man, I need to try online dating again
Just remember it’s basically garbage in, garbage out. I know a lot of folks half-ass it (bad photos, lazy profile, half-assed messages) and then are surprised that they don’t rise above the sea of other half-assed people and the algorithms.
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That’s actually also fine, because that’s very easy to feel out when talking to someone, IME. I was more trying to filter out the type of person who doesn’t know anything about BDSM but would enthusiastically agree to take control without doing any work to understand how to do things safely. I’m tired of being endangered because someone didn’t want to listen to me explaining that you need to avoid the kidneys in impact play or that you can’t put the entire body weight on an unsupported suspended strappado. I’m not good at sorting that type of person out in my dating life, unfortunately, but I can spot them immediately when they dm/talk about dming.
Ah! ok, that makes sense.
A similar thing probably also applies to other areas of life - like how does this person drive?
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If you’re looking for actual dates, not hookups, I can very much recommend hinge. The platform makes it surprisingly easy to start a conversation.
thanks, giving it a go! It looks very much like bumble, but we’ll see
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Ahh, Hinge: the app for people that are too sophisticated for Tinder, but still superficial enough that their profiles are 90% photos.
I mean if you’re measuring by number of pixels on the screen, I guess
in my experience, hinge profiles are decently filled out
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I mean if you’re measuring by number of pixels on the screen, I guess
in my experience, hinge profiles are decently filled out
Oh yeah, with thrilling autobiographies such as:
For fun I like to: Walk my dog in the park!
And
2 Truths and a Lie:
- I spent the night in jail
- I’ve never broken a bone
- I once met <B-list celebrity>
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Death saving throws and the weeble-wobble effect is unironically one of the worst parts of dnd 5e and pathfinder 2e.
Baldur’s Gate does a decent job with it by burning your Action after you get up from 0
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oops, I swalloed the die.
it was a d100
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Oh yeah, with thrilling autobiographies such as:
For fun I like to: Walk my dog in the park!
And
2 Truths and a Lie:
- I spent the night in jail
- I’ve never broken a bone
- I once met <B-list celebrity>
ugh that second example is on point. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a good response to that prompt. maybe one, but I don’t remember it.
like I’m not going to claim that my profile is amazing, but at least I do try to describe myself using it
and… yeah… like that’s often where people go to walk dogs, thanks for sharing, I had no clue. I guess I’m glad you enjoy it? I usually hate walking my dogs lol, they’re terrible when taken together and worse in a group. one wants to stop and sniff everything and the other only wants to get wherever we’re going faster. it’s not a good combination to walk at the same time lmao. perfectly fine enough individually, but there’s not always time for that.
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Ahh, Hinge: the app for people that are too sophisticated for Tinder, but still superficial enough that their profiles are 90% photos.
It’s funny (read: it shits me to tears) how people will go on a conversation starter-based dating app and then just wordlessly like my pics anyway and expect me to dig around in their totally uninformative profile for something to talk about.
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Either way, the answer is the same: no.
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