So it’s not just me
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So it’s not just me.
Women really are asking why men aren’t approaching them anymore. This is now a thing. And I don’t know why it’s a thing.
I thought the social contract is that a man should not initiate a conversation with a woman he doesn’t know.
Like I know women aren’t a monolith and everyone has different opinions. But wasn’t there a consensus about how creepy and inappropriate it is for a man to just randomly strike up a conversation?
What am I missing here?
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/20/style/modern-love-men-where-have-you-gone-please-come-back.html
Non-paywall link: https://archive.ph/WNvVQ -
So it’s not just me.
Women really are asking why men aren’t approaching them anymore. This is now a thing. And I don’t know why it’s a thing.
I thought the social contract is that a man should not initiate a conversation with a woman he doesn’t know.
Like I know women aren’t a monolith and everyone has different opinions. But wasn’t there a consensus about how creepy and inappropriate it is for a man to just randomly strike up a conversation?
What am I missing here?
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/20/style/modern-love-men-where-have-you-gone-please-come-back.html
Non-paywall link: https://archive.ph/WNvVQ@atomicpoet Ahh, it's just the comp cishet discourse. Don't worry about it. I think you're closer to being right, and staying circumspect because you're a strong dude is great.
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So it’s not just me.
Women really are asking why men aren’t approaching them anymore. This is now a thing. And I don’t know why it’s a thing.
I thought the social contract is that a man should not initiate a conversation with a woman he doesn’t know.
Like I know women aren’t a monolith and everyone has different opinions. But wasn’t there a consensus about how creepy and inappropriate it is for a man to just randomly strike up a conversation?
What am I missing here?
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/20/style/modern-love-men-where-have-you-gone-please-come-back.html
Non-paywall link: https://archive.ph/WNvVQChris I am suspicious of the framing of this article. I only scanned it, but I didn't see any statistics. Nothing like a poll showing X percent of women used to think one thing and now it's changed.
This is a complementary piece to the narrative about "male loneliness."
It's relatable for those who want this story to be true.
The stat that I did see was that younger women are less interested in getting married than in the past. While men have changed less.
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Chris I am suspicious of the framing of this article. I only scanned it, but I didn't see any statistics. Nothing like a poll showing X percent of women used to think one thing and now it's changed.
This is a complementary piece to the narrative about "male loneliness."
It's relatable for those who want this story to be true.
The stat that I did see was that younger women are less interested in getting married than in the past. While men have changed less.
From personal experience I'm a huge fan of getting married if you can find someone who you want to marry. For all the flaws, it can work really well for a lot of people I think.
But I also like to point out that there are pockets of the country where marriage is still a kind of prison for women. And women waking up to and resisting this.
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@atomicpoet Ahh, it's just the comp cishet discourse. Don't worry about it. I think you're closer to being right, and staying circumspect because you're a strong dude is great.
@spiegelmama It’s just really strange that this has become a topic right now. What’s the thing that became the catalyst for this sentiment? Was there a cultural moment or are they just bored? -
From personal experience I'm a huge fan of getting married if you can find someone who you want to marry. For all the flaws, it can work really well for a lot of people I think.
But I also like to point out that there are pockets of the country where marriage is still a kind of prison for women. And women waking up to and resisting this.
@futurebird My social media feeds are being flooded with these “talks”. I wanted to know if this is because the algorithm has put me in a certain box. So I did some digging, and yeah, it’s become a recurring narrative over the past year.
The paranoid side of me thinks this might be a reaction to the Trump presidency. Because it started around the time he got elected.
But correlation, causation, all that jazz. -
@spiegelmama It’s just really strange that this has become a topic right now. What’s the thing that became the catalyst for this sentiment? Was there a cultural moment or are they just bored?
@atomicpoet I think they're bored! More precisely, I think the cultural pendulum has swung that way, and now writers are pitching those retro lonely princess pieces to publications - and editors are biting. I hope this will stop soon, maybe if the trump administration starts facing actual consequences.
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