[TRAILER – DEAD SERIOUS ACTION-MOVIE VOICE, DRAMATIC PERCUSSION]

VO: “This Christmas… terrorists have taken over the tower… and Carl couldn’t care less.”

[Masked gunmen burst in. People scream. Carl is in the lobby, stirring sugar into his coffee.]

CARL: “Nope. Not my problem.”

[Gunfire upstairs. Carl presses the elevator button. Doors open—terrorists inside. He sighs.]

CARL: “I’ll wait.”

VO: “While the city holds its breath… Carl just wants to go home.”

[Montage: Carl sidestepping fleeing hostages, slipping out the back door only to have it chained shut, shrugging and taking the stairs.]

HEAD TERRORIST (over radio): “Find Carl Denton!”

CARL (walking past with a sandwich): “Please don’t.”

VO: “But the more he ignores them… the more he ruins everything they’ve planned.”

[Carl opens a supply closet—knocks out two armed men. Carl microwaves lunch—sets off fire alarm. Carl props open a fire door—wind sends terrorist blueprints fluttering out the window into police hands.]

CARL: “Look, I’m not saving anyone. I’m leaving.”

[Slow-mo: Carl bends down to tie his shoe, causing a sniper’s shot to hit the bad guys’ detonator instead.]

VO: “Sometimes the best way to fight… is not to bother.”

[Carl finally walks out of the tower, covered in dust, holding his coffee. SWAT surrounds him.]

CARL: “You’re welcome, I guess.”

VO: “From the producers of Die Hard…”

[Beat. Explosion behind Carl as he keeps walking.]

VO: ”…LIVE SOFT.”