As a kid, I lived in Maine, primarily in a small yuppie suburb (exurb?). I was a magnet for verbal bullies there, and yet was treated as "the problem" for reacting to it and for expecting the teachers to do anything about it. Even after I dropped out, which was ultimately over how the teachers treated me (in that and other ways) rather than the bullying, the bullies would do literal drive-by verbal bullying if they happened to see me.

I would be utterly shocked if these bullies, now so-called "men" in their late 40s, weren't all part of some so-called "militia" out to shoot LGBTQ+ people in the name of Trump these days. Maybe they were even at Jan. 6th, who knows.

Meanwhile, I'm still getting shamed for my emotional reactions by people who are ostensibly supposed to be on my side, and against the bullies.

And if that weren't enraging enough? Not having the correct emotional reactions to be able to participate in protests ("resist with fierce joy") gets me lumped in with those same damned bullies.

If I can't find *some* way I can properly resist in some undeniable way, without accepting some kind of chemical attack on my basic humanity, how Nazi Germany is remembered shows the model for how I'll be treated for the rest of my life.

And if that weren't enraging enough? Not having the correct emotional reactions to be able to participate in protests ("resist with fierce joy") gets me lumped in with those same damned bullies.

If I can't find *some* way I can properly resist in some undeniable way, without accepting some kind of chemical attack on my basic humanity, how Nazi Germany is remembered shows the model for how I'll be treated for the rest of my life.

Aside from the Jewish (the only victims popularly remembered) and certain individuals... *every* German alive at that time is assumed to have been complicit in the horrors of Nazi Germany.

I frankly wonder sometimes if these protests are less about accomplishing anything, and more about *being seen doing something* whether it moves the needle or not, as a social self-defense effort. Being able to avoid accusations of complicity.

@pteryx That's my thought. I don't think we can do anything; the other side armed against tyranny then sided with the damned tyrant. But all we have left is to protect our own honor and reputations. No one in a position to act is *listening*. Or if they are, they're delighting in our scurrying. Fuckers.

Aside from the Jewish (the only victims popularly remembered) and certain individuals... *every* German alive at that time is assumed to have been complicit in the horrors of Nazi Germany.

I frankly wonder sometimes if these protests are less about accomplishing anything, and more about *being seen doing something* whether it moves the needle or not, as a social self-defense effort. Being able to avoid accusations of complicity.

@pteryx I can only guess your emotional state based on what I know of you, but I for one am *shaking in my fucking shoes* at where things are going. I'm supposed to be applying for jobs, but instead only Rena is keeping me from a total backslide on things. I want to put my head under the covers and not come out til this terrifying gd nightmare is ended. And yes, I too resent that I'll be held as responsible as those who cheered it on.

@Scendera
You *especially*, for living in the former Confederacy. There's a common perception of the situation that the Civil War never really ended but just went cold, and now either it's going hot, or we've already lost it over a hundred years after the fact.

(I do think the assumption that we've *already* lost is too extreme, but.)

@pteryx I recently stepped back from a pretty big advocacy role in my union, at the state level, because they don't get that not everyone has the same capabilities.

My gifts in certain areas are considerable. If you need me to also give you 25 signatures on a bullshit petition or my help is unwelcome, fuck off.

And I don't mind telling them that they're the problem, not me.

@humanadverb
In my case, "what *can* I do?" is still a question I have no idea how to answer. The messages they want to push (boiling down to "Protest in front of the armed goons that want to kill all your friends, holding a sign they won't read, while on your absolute best behavior, *and be joyful about it!*") are not messages I want to promote, and I don't have better ones in mind. I'm not a social butterfly, either; introversion is treated as a mental illness, *especially* among women.

@pteryx Whoever "they" are who want that are idiots and assholes who can fuck off.

Sounds to me like your best way of helping us to practice self care, take small steps to increase your capacity in whatever ways present themselves, and stand by for when the right moment comes.

Aside from the Jewish (the only victims popularly remembered) and certain individuals... *every* German alive at that time is assumed to have been complicit in the horrors of Nazi Germany.

I frankly wonder sometimes if these protests are less about accomplishing anything, and more about *being seen doing something* whether it moves the needle or not, as a social self-defense effort. Being able to avoid accusations of complicity.

Adding to this another flavor of shaming of feeling the "wrong" emotions I've been seeing (as in, mere minutes ago elsewhere): people resenting when their attempts at offering comfort to someone don't work, accusing that person of "refusing to take offered comforts" rather than considering that maybe they're taking the wrong approach to comforting that particular person, and in extreme cases even treating them as spies out to destroy the resistance.

@humanadverb
In my case, "what *can* I do?" is still a question I have no idea how to answer. The messages they want to push (boiling down to "Protest in front of the armed goons that want to kill all your friends, holding a sign they won't read, while on your absolute best behavior, *and be joyful about it!*") are not messages I want to promote, and I don't have better ones in mind. I'm not a social butterfly, either; introversion is treated as a mental illness, *especially* among women.

@humanadverb
Except I'm not satisfied with that. "Practice self-care" in this context comes across to me as a pretty way of saying "do nothing, because you're useless; never mind that you'll be called complicit later".

The one thing I *did* do last year, namely prep, I've reached the limits of for my living conditions (and not just financially; there's really only one category left and it's one I don't think I have the emotional capacity for).

@pteryx People who haven't been photographed at protests are going to be needed, later on. People who have safe places to retreat are going to be needed, later on. Being as maximally stable as you can be is actually really important prep work.

People who are focused on how they'll be remembered aren't gonna do a lot of good for people.

So, you're not out there partying with the cool kids and getting tear-gased. Sounds smart, useful, and like *real* resistance.

Aside from the Jewish (the only victims popularly remembered) and certain individuals... *every* German alive at that time is assumed to have been complicit in the horrors of Nazi Germany.

I frankly wonder sometimes if these protests are less about accomplishing anything, and more about *being seen doing something* whether it moves the needle or not, as a social self-defense effort. Being able to avoid accusations of complicity.

Oh, and it *also* doesn't help that while once upon a time protests had an implied threat of escalation backing them up, which gave them a lot of their power, nowadays people have magical beliefs about universally peaceful resistance, the more peaceful and polite the better. "Don't escalate or you'll give the fascists an excuse!", they scream, as though the fascists won't make up excuses that the press will parrot anyway, and others will believe.

Oh, and it *also* doesn't help that while once upon a time protests had an implied threat of escalation backing them up, which gave them a lot of their power, nowadays people have magical beliefs about universally peaceful resistance, the more peaceful and polite the better. "Don't escalate or you'll give the fascists an excuse!", they scream, as though the fascists won't make up excuses that the press will parrot anyway, and others will believe.