and hey, guys whose heart is in the right place but who struggle to live up to your ideals (hi, me too) -- you will earn a lot of brownie points with the women around you by simply fuckin' pitching in with cleaning work!

go ahead and leverage that selfish impulse to do better!

... just don't confuse that appreciation for romantic interest, right? be cool? ok. good.

@redoak I'm tell my son that "men don't help with the chores, we do the chores".

@drmambobob good point. it's nice to "help out a bit" but it's far better to take responsibility so nobody else has to mind it.

@redoak It's all in the mentality. As long as you've got the mindset that you're helping out, it's always going to be someone else's responsibility and you're doing them a favour.

@redoak @afewbugs
Your wife is your wife, your partner ... NOT YOUR MOTHER.

@redoak @afewbugs
abolish heterosexuality

@redoak @afewbugs wait, guys have to be ASKED to do this stuff and don’t just do it? Is it the 1970s again?

@redoak @afewbugs there is so much wisdom and love in just accepting that life is messy and not leaving it up to other people to clean up after you.

Caring for the people around you by cleaning up after them if you are able is also sublime and shouldn’t be left up to gendered divisions of labor.

@peejmaybe respectfully, who is this performance supposed to be for? unequal gendered divisions of labor and especially emotional labor are not something old and distant. it's been the norm this whole time for a vast majority of people.

@redoak @afewbugs

#JoshuaIdehen

marc [sustain release] ✅ (@sustainrelease@mastodon.social)

The world according to your mom doing the washing! I might have mentioned it already. I believe that "Mum Does The Washing" by #JoshuaIdehen has been my favourite track/video of 2024! https://youtu.be/PS9Bc_GQBEs #housemusic #electronicmusic #spokenword

Mastodon (mastodon.social)

@redoak @afewbugs

Yet, I am incredibly confused by the fact that so many people from my generation (Gen Z), especially (but not only) boys, don't even see a point in learning how to cook.
As my English teacher once put it:
"Being able to make food for yourself is quite an essential skill for your life."

But perhaps I just enjoy cooking way too much to really understand the struggles of people who don't ‍️

So yes, you're absolutely right - that's just my two cents.

@macbraughton @redoak @afewbugs

The rest of my family have various forms of disability so even though cleaning is not much in my nature noticing other folks and being kind and helpful is.

It can be a kindness to have the opportunity to be kind.

@drmambobob true, also with a lot of other things

@redoak @afewbugs “who washes the dishes” is a classic anarchist problem https://crimethinc.com/posters/wash-your-own-dishes

@redoak Brings to mind Leonard Cohen's lyric:
"The homicidal bitchin'
That goes on in every kitchen
To determine who will serve and who will eat"

@afewbugs

@redoak @afewbugs what we need is a bearded influencer who makes dish washing videos wearing black latex gloves and using a hand-carved oak handled brush

@drmambobob @redoak Absolutely all this. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with a guy who said he couldn't make an appointment because he was "babysitting the kids". He was referring to his own children. Didn't quite know at the time how to explain to him that one doesn't babysit their own children. He was also very grumpy and put out by this turn of events that he was being expected to parent his own kids on a singular day out of many.

@drmambobob @redoak Yes yes! I love to see the mental load recognized.

@redoak @afewbugs Let's go!

@jupitersigh I was the stay-home Dad to my son for his first six or seven years, and I wouldn't trade those years for the world. To this day (he's 20), he reminds me of the talks and walks we had, the things we did and learned together. I have a bond with my son that will never be broken, and could never have been forged as easily any other way. @drmambobob @redoak