I mean, the first part seems to be the root of the problem. By the time you’re talking about booting this player, the game is already on life-support.

I’ve had games disintegrate because of out-of-game beef between players. But that signaled the collapse of the whole social group, not just the D&D table. So much of D&D is just an excuse to hang out with your friends. If your friends hate each other, there’s not a lot about hanging out that’s attractive.

As a person who spent a lot of time feeling rejected and unsure of why people were happy to be my acquaintance but not my friend, never getting any explanation why I wasn’t good enough (the answer was undiagnosed autism and the trouble with social skills that comes with that), ghosting with no explanation hurts me in my soul.

I get why people do it though. How do you know if it’s a person who was clueless to what their bad behavior and is desperate to have literally anyone tell them what they do wrong so they can change, or someone who will flip out and get violent or stalkery or super spiteful towards group members once ejected from the group? How do you know it will not spiral into some giant drama, especially if you were wrong or others disagree about if their behavior was objectionable? Conflict avoidance, whether for justified reasons or not, is very very common.

It can also backfire if the other players decide they like them more than you, so they refuse to join the new campaign since the removed player isn’t there. You could lie and tell them the removed player just decided to back out, but since the players like each other, it won’t be long until they start asking why they left, and then everyone knows the truth.

Is that backfiring, though? You decided that you don’t want to play with that person, so if they are a package deal with other players, then you’re going to lose all of those people no matter what you do.

If you’d rather suffer the one bad player than lose the other people, then you need to understand that dynamic before acting unilaterally. You know, it’s a social thing so you need to actually talk to people.

Hey, I play in D&D games without my bestie no problem. However, I don’t play in D&D games with people who gaslight my bestie in an attempt to ostracise them. If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have left.

I’d say that trying to push someone out of the group, then getting kicked out of the group yourself, is a bit of a backfire.

As a person who spent a lot of time feeling rejected and unsure of why people were happy to be my acquaintance but not my friend, never getting any explanation why I wasn’t good enough (the answer was undiagnosed autism and the trouble with social skills that comes with that), ghosting with no explanation hurts me in my soul.

I get why people do it though. How do you know if it’s a person who was clueless to what their bad behavior and is desperate to have literally anyone tell them what they do wrong so they can change, or someone who will flip out and get violent or stalkery or super spiteful towards group members once ejected from the group? How do you know it will not spiral into some giant drama, especially if you were wrong or others disagree about if their behavior was objectionable? Conflict avoidance, whether for justified reasons or not, is very very common.

It can also backfire if the other players decide they like them more than you, so they refuse to join the new campaign since the removed player isn’t there. You could lie and tell them the removed player just decided to back out, but since the players like each other, it won’t be long until they start asking why they left, and then everyone knows the truth.

I think ghosting is a bit much. I know it sucks to bring the player aside and have the talk if something isn’t going quite right, but I’d usually much prefer to allow them to try and course correct a bit.

One of the first times I ever joined a DnD campaign I got ghosted and it sucked. I wouldn’t want to inflict that feeling on other players if I could help it.

Much easier to prematurely end the campaign because the DM is “busy with a lot of stuff” but then he does a one shot with the exact same group minus one person - Then what do you know - The one shot went so well that they want to turn it into a full campaign. Oh but, they invited a new player who is joining their new campaign and its the “just right” amount of players and they can’t really add anyone else right now, especially the person excluded, but maybe next time?

Edit: This is intended to be mostly sarcastic as this is a real funky thing to do. Ideally if you have a problem player, its better to talk it out and either solve the problem or end it on understood terms.

Grew a mustache and a mullet

Got a job at Chick-Fil-A

Citing “artistic differences”

The band broke up in May

And in June reformed without me

And they got a different name

I nuked another grandma’s apple pie

And hung my head in shame

Much easier to prematurely end the campaign because the DM is “busy with a lot of stuff” but then he does a one shot with the exact same group minus one person - Then what do you know - The one shot went so well that they want to turn it into a full campaign. Oh but, they invited a new player who is joining their new campaign and its the “just right” amount of players and they can’t really add anyone else right now, especially the person excluded, but maybe next time?

Edit: This is intended to be mostly sarcastic as this is a real funky thing to do. Ideally if you have a problem player, its better to talk it out and either solve the problem or end it on understood terms.

Ah man, I haven’t listened to Ben Folds in years. Thanks for the reminder.