@vkc ugh. I saw your earlier post and I'm so sorry 🫂

A *lot* of (mostly) guys need to learn the difference between appropriate, consensual flirting, and sexual harassment.

@vkc ugh. I saw your earlier post and I'm so sorry 🫂

A *lot* of (mostly) guys need to learn the difference between appropriate, consensual flirting, and sexual harassment.

@alice I think a lot of guys could also benefit from reading your "sucker punch" post about open registration and moderation. It def opened my eyes to how others are treated on here and elsewhere...

🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄) (@alice@lgbtqia.space)

Why reactive moderation isn't going to cut it, aka, "The Sucker-punch Problem". Imagine you invite your friend—let's call him Mark—to a club with you. It's open-door, which is cool, because you like when a lot of folx show up. Sure, it might get a little rowdy, but they have a bouncer, and you've never seen things getting out of hand. So, you're busy dancing when a new guy walks in wearing a "I Hate Mark" shirt and promptly sucker-punches Mark. You didn't see it happen, but Mark is upset and tells the bouncer, who kicks the guy out. A few minutes later, the same guy walks back in and sucker-punches Mark again. Same result. Some people in the club say they'll tell the bouncer if they see him come in again. Mark wants to leave, but you tell him it's not that bad—after all, you've never been punched, and you didn't see Mark get punched, so maybe he's just being sensitive. A different guy walks in wearing a "I Plan On Punching Mark" shirt. No one tells the bouncer, because they've never seen *this* guy punch Mark. He sucker-punches Mark. At this point, Mark is pissed and yelling about being punched. The club members talk about putting up a "No Punching Mark" sign, but the owner is worried it'll hurt his club's growth. Another Mark in the club proposes they turn away anyone wearing an anti-Mark shirt or espousing anti-Mark rhetoric at the door, but this gets shot down for the same reason as the sign idea—then someone sucker-punches him. By the end of the night, your friend Mark is beat to fuck and says he'll never come to this club again. In fact, he's going to tell anyone named Mark to stay clear of this place. The next time you go to the club, half the folx there are wearing "I Kill Marks" shirts, but there aren't any Marks there, so it doesn't come up. I've been sucker-punched every day, for the last three days in a row by some of the most vile hate-speech and imagery. The accounts are using open registration servers and signing up with variations on the username "heilhitler1488". I fully expect it'll continue as long as we have open registration servers. And no, username pattern blocking alone won't fix this, it'll help a little, but mostly it'll just make them wear a different shirt while they sucker-punch us. #OpenRegistrationHurts

LGBTQIA.Space (lgbtqia.space)

@vkc

@vkc ugh. I saw your earlier post and I'm so sorry 🫂

A *lot* of (mostly) guys need to learn the difference between appropriate, consensual flirting, and sexual harassment.

@bob I always report and block. My problem is I need the collective *you* to report and block. And more.

@alice @vkc I think you are too generous in assuming the *lot* can learn anything at this stage, it's like teaching a hammer 'there are other things than nails you know'.

@eq "don't let the idiots get you" - do you see how that puts it on me?

I trust you mean well, but respectfully: no. The correct response is "men should fight back when they see this amongst themselves."

It isn't my responsibility to "not let them get me down." It's men who need to step up and fight this battle.

@bob

I think the "I" in that reply needs to be "you" and "me" for that to work.
If it is just the woman doing the moderation, then those guys just keep doing it, and it becomes "women's work".

@vkc

@alice @vkc

Absolutely. We, as men, *must* step up. Not only with standing against sexual harassment; but also the "edgy" comments

Its easy to spout as a man you'd stand against brutality. But yet we're often quiet when women, POC, are ignored, belittled, etc.

Creating a world where we all are safe from harm is stopping **all** forms of harassment, staring, belittling, catcalling. At. All. Times.

Men, we need to do better and hold each other accountable. For everyone, including ourselves

@byrnensorg I gotta believe we can do better than this, because the alternative is pretty fucking sad.

@vkc

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

@vkc men, do better.

Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.

Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.

If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.

@vkc men, do better.

Be a man in the internet. Talk about what you like. Cars, weather, trains, sports. See how the replies are on topic.

Be a woman on the internet. Talk about what you like.
Cars, weather, trains, sports. See the replies talking about your boobs. See the DMs filled with, "hey baby", and unsolicited dick pics.

If you are a man, you won't see most - or any! - of what women experience daily online. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your just in a safe little bubble of privilege. Own it, and do better.

@Orb2069 @vkc It's 2026 and we still dealing with those people's "ideologies" from ancient times of humanity. It haunted everyone back in those days, it haunted everyone through ages and it still keeps haunting people till this moment.

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

@eq "don't let the idiots get you" - do you see how that puts it on me?

I trust you mean well, but respectfully: no. The correct response is "men should fight back when they see this amongst themselves."

It isn't my responsibility to "not let them get me down." It's men who need to step up and fight this battle.

@alice @vkc

And that also means at places and times where it is just men around.

Especially then.

Silence then is implied endorsement later.

@bob

I think the "I" in that reply needs to be "you" and "me" for that to work.
If it is just the woman doing the moderation, then those guys just keep doing it, and it becomes "women's work".

@vkc

Deleted my post about the sexual harassment I'd received on Fedi, because it was driving more sexual harassment toward me.

Y'all want women on Fedi? Fight that shit. I can't do it for you.

@alice I think a lot of guys could also benefit from reading your "sucker punch" post about open registration and moderation. It def opened my eyes to how others are treated on here and elsewhere...

🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄) (@alice@lgbtqia.space)

Why reactive moderation isn't going to cut it, aka, "The Sucker-punch Problem". Imagine you invite your friend—let's call him Mark—to a club with you. It's open-door, which is cool, because you like when a lot of folx show up. Sure, it might get a little rowdy, but they have a bouncer, and you've never seen things getting out of hand. So, you're busy dancing when a new guy walks in wearing a "I Hate Mark" shirt and promptly sucker-punches Mark. You didn't see it happen, but Mark is upset and tells the bouncer, who kicks the guy out. A few minutes later, the same guy walks back in and sucker-punches Mark again. Same result. Some people in the club say they'll tell the bouncer if they see him come in again. Mark wants to leave, but you tell him it's not that bad—after all, you've never been punched, and you didn't see Mark get punched, so maybe he's just being sensitive. A different guy walks in wearing a "I Plan On Punching Mark" shirt. No one tells the bouncer, because they've never seen *this* guy punch Mark. He sucker-punches Mark. At this point, Mark is pissed and yelling about being punched. The club members talk about putting up a "No Punching Mark" sign, but the owner is worried it'll hurt his club's growth. Another Mark in the club proposes they turn away anyone wearing an anti-Mark shirt or espousing anti-Mark rhetoric at the door, but this gets shot down for the same reason as the sign idea—then someone sucker-punches him. By the end of the night, your friend Mark is beat to fuck and says he'll never come to this club again. In fact, he's going to tell anyone named Mark to stay clear of this place. The next time you go to the club, half the folx there are wearing "I Kill Marks" shirts, but there aren't any Marks there, so it doesn't come up. I've been sucker-punched every day, for the last three days in a row by some of the most vile hate-speech and imagery. The accounts are using open registration servers and signing up with variations on the username "heilhitler1488". I fully expect it'll continue as long as we have open registration servers. And no, username pattern blocking alone won't fix this, it'll help a little, but mostly it'll just make them wear a different shirt while they sucker-punch us. #OpenRegistrationHurts

LGBTQIA.Space (lgbtqia.space)

@vkc