Wandering Adventure Party

Biden Grateful He’s Not Alive To See What Trump Doing To CountryWILMINGTON, DE—Expressing relief about his obliviousness to America’s unraveling, former President Joe Biden told reporters Thursday that he was grateful not to be alive to see what Trump was doing to the country.“ I devoted my entire life to safeguarding the ideals of democratic freedom and promoting liberty across this great land, an…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/biden-grateful-hes-not-alive-to-see-what-trump-doing-to-country/

Political Profile: Tom HomanPresident Trump’s border czar, Tom Homan, was recently tapped to lead ICE’s highly publicized deportation campaign in Minnesota. The Onion takes a look at Homan’s background. Head Weight: 66 pounds Ideology: Fundamentalist Punisher fan Least Favorite Haplogroup: Q-M242 Role In Project 2025: Genetic source for cloned ICE agents Favorite Part Of Job: Working with kids […]The post Political Profile: Tom Homa…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/political-profile-tom-homan/

Non-Biathlon Skier Would Also Like GunThe post Non-Biathlon Skier Would Also Like Gun appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/non-biathlon-skier-would-also-like-gun/

Drunken Seahawks Fans Climbing Space NeedleThe post Drunken Seahawks Fans Climbing Space Needle appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/drunken-seahawks-fans-climbing-space-needle/

Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance (‘¡Dios Mío!’ Cry Millions Of Panicking Republicans)BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lo…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/terrified-conservatives-lose-ability-to-speak-english-after-exposure-to-bad-bunny-performance-dios-mio-cry-millions-of-panicking-republicans/

Turning Point USA Halftime Show Opens With Snake-Handling PreacherThe post Turning Point USA Halftime Show Opens With Snake-Handling Preacher appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/turning-point-usa-halftime-show-opens-with-snake-handling-preacher/

Stefon Diggs Spotted Partying On Yacht In Middle Of Second QuarterThe post Stefon Diggs Spotted Partying On Yacht In Middle Of Second Quarter appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/stefon-diggs-spotted-partying-on-yacht-in-middle-of-second-quarter/

Guy At Super Bowl Party Brought Football For Some ReasonThe post Guy At Super Bowl Party Brought Football For Some Reason appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/guy-at-super-bowl-party-brought-football-for-some-reason/

Nation Furious After Realizing Super Bowl Ad For KindnessThe post Nation Furious After Realizing Super Bowl Ad For Kindness appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nation-furious-after-realizing-super-bowl-ad-for-kindness/

Budweiser Super Bowl Commercial Leaves Man Hankering For Clydesdale MeatThe post Budweiser Super Bowl Commercial Leaves Man Hankering For Clydesdale Meat appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/budweiser-super-bowl-commercial-leaves-man-hankering-for-clydesdale-meat/

Streaker Running Across Field At Super Bowl Just Concussed PlayerThe post Streaker Running Across Field At Super Bowl Just Concussed Player appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/streaker-running-across-field-at-super-bowl-just-concussed-player/

Football-Themed Napkins At Super Bowl Party Too Nonabsorbent, Painful To Use On MouthThe post Football-Themed Napkins At Super Bowl Party Too Nonabsorbent, Painful To Use On Mouth appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/football-themed-napkins-at-super-bowl-party-too-nonabsorbent-painful-to-use-on-mouth/

Women’s Cross-Country Skiing Marred By Catcalling Italian Men On SidelinesVAL DI FIEMME, ITALY—Calling it a “relentless barrage of unwelcome yelling” that distracted from the competition, officials confirmed Saturday that the women’s 10km + 10km Skiathlon event had been marred by Italian men catcalling along the sidelines. “Ayyy, bella, how ’bout you-a come grip-a my ski pole, eh?” said o…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/womens-cross-country-skiing-marred-by-catcalling-italian-men-on-sidelines/

Conservatives Outraged Super Bowl Happening In Foreign City Of Santa ClaraWASHINGTON—Infuriated at the sullying of a cherished American tradition, angry conservatives across the country vented their outrage Friday over this weekend’s Super Bowl being held in the foreign city of Santa Clara. “I can put up with pandering to international markets when it’s some fucking regular-season Jags b…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/conservatives-outraged-super-bowl-happening-in-foreign-city-of-santa-clara/

Trump Administration Investigates Nike For Alleged Discrimination Against White WorkersThe Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the federal agency in charge of enforcing workplace anti-discrimination laws, is investigating Nike over the athletic shoe giant’s treatment of white employees. What do you think?The post Trump Administration Investigates Nike For Alleged Discr…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-administration-investigates-nike-for-alleged-discrimination-against-white-workers/

TrumpRx Unveils $1 Million Citizenship PillWASHINGTON—Touting it as the fastest and most convenient way for people from foreign countries to be a part of the American Dream, President Donald Trump announced Friday that his direct-to-consumer website TrumpRx would offer a $1 million citizenship pill. “Instead of sitting through a stupid test and having to attend some boring oath ceremony, you […]The post TrumpRx Unveil…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trumprx-unveils-1-million-citizenship-pill/

Olympic Torch Followed By Thousands Of Wailing, Black-Shawled Italian WomenMILAN—Casting a mournful pall over the procession making its way through the foothills and dusty roads of northern Italy, thousands of wailing, black-shawl-clad Italian women were seen following the Olympic torch this week in the run-up to the 2026 Winter Games. The women, wearing dark head coverings and clutching…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/olympic-torch-followed-by-thousands-of-wailing-black-shawled-italian-women/

Trump Defends Racist Video As RacistThe post Trump Defends Racist Video As Racist appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-defends-racist-video-as-racist/

Ryan Murphy Worried All His Worst Ideas Behind HimLOS ANGELES—Staring down at the blank Microsoft Word screen with a hopeless expression on his face, Hollywood TV producer Ryan Murphy told reporters Friday that he was worried his worst ideas were now behind him. “Sometimes I look back and fear I’ll never be able to come up with anything that schlocky ever again,” said […]The post Ryan Murphy Worried All His Wo…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ryan-murphy-worried-all-his-worst-ideas-behind-him/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Bad BunnyReggaeton and Latin trap artist Bad Bunny is this year’s Super Bowl halftime show performer. The Onion sat down with the musician to discuss the upcoming show.  The Onion : How did you book the halftime show? Bad Bunny: Roger Goodell is my cousin. What can we expect from this year’s halftime show? I’ve been practicing […]The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Bad…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-bad-bunny/