Wandering Adventure Party

Reyna Cobb and Luke ButlerThe bride and groom want to call what happened on Saturday a wedding, but it wasn’t even in a church—and they both wore tennis shoes!The post Reyna Cobb and Luke Butler appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/reyna-cobb-and-luke-butler/

Mike GomezMike Gomez, 50, died Friday after learning that even a saltwater crocodile can be pushed too far.The post Mike Gomez appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mike-gomez/

@emarktaylor.bsky.social The Onion started here in Madison, so when I came to college, I vividly remember picking up a print copy at one of the student unions not knowing what it was. I paged through and found an article entitled "Boba Fett was a Renaissance Man."

Haunted By Teenager Learning To Play DrumsThis two-bedroom ranch-style house will gradually become more livable as the ghost finds his rhythm. Reference #37290The post Haunted By Teenager Learning To Play Drums appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/haunted-by-teenager-learning-to-play-drums/

Sweet Potato Dish Stopped Being Healthy 5 Ingredients AgoThe post Sweet Potato Dish Stopped Being Healthy 5 Ingredients Ago appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/sweet-potato-dish-stopped-being-healthy-5-ingredients-ago/

Divisio, the Malevolent MathgicianThe citizens of Algebrania let out a mighty cheer after the wicked sorcerer Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician, 3,500, was turned to dust by seventh grader Ben Louise correctly multiplying the denominators.The post Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/divisio-the-malevolent-mathgician/

Crenellated AestheticFor those who know what “crenellated” means, like we do, this house has it (or them). Crenels here, crenels there. Just a ton of that good stuff. Reference #49308The post Crenellated Aesthetic appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/crenellated-aesthetic/

Breaking: The Darkness ReturnsWASHINGTON—With deep unease and outright horror haunting millions of Americans as a great shroud enveloped the land, late-breaking reports confirmed Monday that the darkness had returned. Bystanders first spotted the churning, amorphous black fog at 2:37 p.m., when it arose from the shadows and crept toward small towns and cornfields in the Midwest. From there, […]The post Breaking: The Darkness Retur…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/breaking-the-darkness-returns/

https://theonion.com/ice-agent-7-year-old-both-wearing-same-military-commando-halloween-costume/ #TheOnion #Humor #Satire #Halloween #USPol

Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal VentilatorThe post Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal Ventilator appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-accused-of-using-makeup-to-conceal-ventilator/

Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Willem DafoeATLANTA—Saying the novelty decoration would add the perfect touch to Halloween yard displays, the Home Depot announced Friday it had begun selling a new 12-foot-tall Willem Dafoe in stores nationwide. “October just got a whole lot spookier with our exclusive oversized Willem Dafoe ornament!” read the product’s promotional copy, which emphasized that the massiv…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/home-depot-introduces-new-12-foot-tall-willem-dafoe/

https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-looms-in-background-during-entire-episode-of-90-day-fiance/ #TheOnion #Humor #Satire #USPol

https://theonion.com/aaron-rodgers-suffers-torn-cerebellum-after-attempting-telepathic-audible/ #NFL #TheOnion #Humor

Nicole Kidman Retires Drag King Persona ‘Keith Urban’The post Nicole Kidman Retires Drag King Persona ‘Keith Urban’ appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nicole-kidman-retires-drag-king-persona-keith-urban/

Inside Of Light Fixture Everything Moth Dreamed And MoreMEREDITH, NH—Saying the luminous paradise had exceeded even its wildest expectations, a local moth told reporters Tuesday the inside of a light fixture was everything it had ever dreamed of and more. “Woo-hoo! They’ve got a whole second light bulb in here—this is the greatest fucking day of my life!” the moth said as it giddily […]The post Inside Of…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/inside-of-light-fixture-everything-moth-dreamed-and-more/

I guess there will be no rapture today:https://theonion.com/returning-jesus-christ-downed-by-u-s-missile-defense-3-1828884383/#Humor #Rapture #TheOnion

‘Chief Of War’ Producers Confirm Season 2 Will Show Hawaiians Battling Mark ZuckerbergLOS ANGELES—Announcing the next chapter of the story was already in preproduction, Chief Of War producers confirmed Tuesday that the second season of the Apple TV+ series would follow the Native Hawaiian warriors as they battled Mark Zuckerberg. “I’m proud to share we’re all set for Chief Of W…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/chief-of-war-producers-confirm-season-2-will-show-hawaiians-battling-mark-zuckerberg/

Classic!https://theonion.com/pragues-franz-kafka-international-named-worlds-most-ali-1819594798/ #Humor #TheOnion

#TheOnion #MAGA #EpsteinFiles #PDFfiles #PrinceAndrew #Trump

Poll Finds Most Desirable Quality In   Romantic Partner Is Being Jacked CentaurWEST LONG BRANCH, NJ—With the attribute far outpacing characteristics such as humor, kindness, or wealth, a poll released Monday by Monmouth University found that the most desirable quality in a romantic partner was being a jacked centaur. “Among our sample of over 40,000 respondents, by far the most covete…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/poll-finds-most-desirable-quality-in-romantic-partner-is-being-jacked-centaur/