Wandering Adventure Party

Ted Nugent Releases Protest Song ‘Skanks Of Minneapolis’The post Ted Nugent Releases Protest Song ‘Skanks Of Minneapolis’ appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ted-nugent-releases-protest-song-skanks-of-minneapolis/

Charlotte Aitchison Relieved To Shed Charli XCX Character After 15 Years Of Promoting ‘The Moment’LOS ANGELES—After 15 years of promoting the A24 film The Moment, actress Charlotte Aitchison told reporters Friday she was relieved to shed the character Charli XCX. “Playing Charli has been an actor’s dream,” said Aitchison, the 33-year-old thespian, who reportedly bea…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/charlotte-aitchison-relieved-to-shed-charli-xcx-character-after-15-years-of-promoting-the-moment/

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of FlourHYDE PARK, NY—Stifling their groans as an instructor distributed the wailing infants, students at the Culinary Institute of America were reportedly given a live baby Friday to learn how to care for a bag of flour. “Flour is the most delicate of the pantry staples, and looking after this child for the week will prepare [……#theonionhttps://theonion.com/culinary-students-given-live-baby-to-learn-how-to-care-for-bag-of-flour/

Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town HallRep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) was rushed by a man during a town hall and sprayed with what was revealed to be apple cider vinegar from a syringe, the attack coming amid a broad surge in violence against lawmakers. What do you think?The post Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town Hall appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ilhan-omar-sprayed-with-liquid-at-town-hall/

Trump’s First Year In OfficeThe post Trump’s First Year In Office appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trumps-first-year-in-office/

Trump Asks Nicki Minaj To Explain Eating AssWASHINGTON—Pulling her aside at a Treasury Department event Wednesday, President Donald Trump reportedly asked hip-hop artist Nicki Minaj to explain eating ass. “Explain it to me, in the simplest terms,” said the bewildered 79-year-old president of the United States, who clasped Minaj’s hand and looked her in the eye as he urged her to enlighten him […]The post Trump Asks …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-asks-nicki-minaj-to-explain-eating-ass/

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over HeadThe post Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-after-trump-spotted-wearing-glove-over-head/

Report: More Americans Forced To Make Ends Meet By Turning To AlchemyWASHINGTON—According to a report released this week by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a record number of Americans are finding themselves forced to make ends meet by retreating into their underground laboratories and practicing alchemy. “Even though I work long hours at my warehouse job, I still won’t be able to pay the bill…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/report-more-americans-forced-to-make-ends-meet-by-turning-to-alchemy/

Noah Wyle Fed Up With Pushy Fan Tracheotomy RequestsSANTA BARBARA, CA—Groaning as yet another stranger shoved a ballpoint pen in his face, actor Noah Wyle stated Thursday that he was fed up with pushy fan tracheotomy requests. “Listen, I love that you love my work, but I’m just trying to grab breakfast with my family right now, not cut through any windpipes, okay?” […]The post Noah Wyle Fed Up With Pushy Fan…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/noah-wyle-fed-up-with-pushy-fan-tracheotomy-requests/

H&M Staff Gathers To Watch Man Struggle To Refold ShirtNEW YORK—Perking up with excitement after spotting a customer in the process of completely humiliating himself, the entire staff of a midtown H&M store reportedly gathered Thursday to watch a man struggle to refold a shirt. “Oh my God, everyone get out of the break room—you seriously have got to see this,” said sales associate […]The post H&M Staff Gat…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/hm-staff-gathers-to-watch-man-struggle-to-refold-shirt/

Parents Of Safdie Brothers Don’t Care What Oscars Say, They Liked Both Movies EquallyNEW YORK—Stating that they were “so proud, so, so proud,” the parents of filmmakers Josh and Benny Safdie reportedly told their sons Thursday that regardless of what the Academy says, they liked both films equally. “One nomination, nine nominations—The Smashing Machine and Marty Supreme are both…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/parents-of-safdie-brothers-dont-care-what-oscars-say-they-liked-both-movies-equally/

What To Know About The 2026 GrammysThe 68th Annual Grammy Awards take place Feb. 1. The Onion shares everything you need to know about this year’s ceremony. Q: Who will be there? A: Anyone who’s anyone in the world of mouth noises. Q: How can I watch? A: The best way to experience the Grammys is a 30-second recap from your […]The post What To Know About The 2026 Grammys appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-2026-grammys/

ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself ChinThe post ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself Chin appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ice-agent-stuffs-sock-under-mask-to-give-himself-chin/

Bari Weiss Claims Ideological Diversity Begins And Ends With HerThe post Bari Weiss Claims Ideological Diversity Begins And Ends With Her appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/bari-weiss-claims-ideological-diversity-begins-and-ends-with-her/

Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of SleepBOSTON—Prompting exclamations of astonishment from colleagues and supervisors, local man Joshua Lingard reportedly appeared entirely unrecognizable Wednesday after enjoying a full eight hours of sleep. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even realize it was Josh without those dark bags under his eyes and his usual lifeless monotone,” said Lingard’s coworker Alison Conners, who gasped…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/man-unrecognizable-after-full-8-hours-of-sleep/

Manslaughter Honked AtThe post Manslaughter Honked At appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/manslaughter-honked-at/

Trump Claims U.S. Used ‘Discombobulator’ Weapon In Maduro RaidPresident Donald Trump said the U.S. used a weapon he referred to as “the discombobulator” to capture former Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, claiming it made the enemy equipment “not work.” What do you think?The post Trump Claims U.S. Used ‘Discombobulator’ Weapon In Maduro Raid appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-claims-u-s-used-discombobulator-weapon-in-maduro-raid/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Gregory BovinoGregory Bovino, who was responsible for immigration enforcement operations in Minnesota, has been ousted as the U.S. Border Patrol’s “commander at large.” The Onion sat down with Bovino to discuss his career at the agency. The Onion: What would you say to people who call you Gestapo? Bovino: I’d ask why they aren’t speaking English. […]The post The Onion’s Exc…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-gregory-bovino/

Alex Honnold Successfully Free Solos Taipei 101 SkyscraperClimber Alex Honnold successfully scaled the Taipei 101 skyscraper, the 11th tallest in the world, without a harness, ropes, or any other safety equipment. What do you think?The post Alex Honnold Successfully Free Solos Taipei 101 Skyscraper appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/alex-honnold-successfully-free-solos-taipei-101-skyscraper/

‘Dad’s Under A Lot Of Pressure At Work,’ Says Woman Of Husband Who Spends Half Day Playing ‘Clash Of Clans’TACOMA, WA—Urging her kids to cut their dad some slack amid the added stressors of his work life, area woman Ashlyn Bergman reportedly informed her children Tuesday that their father, who typically spends half his workday playing Clash Of Clans on his phon…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dads-under-a-lot-of-pressure-at-work-says-woman-of-husband-who-spends-half-day-playing-clash-of-clans/