Wandering Adventure Party

Tinsel Draped Over UrnThe post Tinsel Draped Over Urn appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/tinsel-draped-over-urn/

Heidi Moyer and Ted ChunThe happy couple were married by a City Hall clerk Saturday due to a nationwide pastor strike entering its sixth crippling month.The post Heidi Moyer and Ted Chun appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/heidi-moyer-and-ted-chun/

How Screen Time Affects Childhood Brain DevelopmentThe post How Screen Time Affects Childhood Brain Development appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/how-screen-time-affects-childhood-brain-development/

Tommy Lee Jones, Harrison Ford Wordlessly Grunt In Tense New ‘Actors On Actors’The post Tommy Lee Jones, Harrison Ford Wordlessly Grunt In Tense New ‘Actors On Actors’ appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/tommy-lee-jones-harrison-ford-wordlessly-grunt-in-tense-new-actors-on-actors/

Study Finds Humans Made Fire 400,000 Years AgoResearchers discovered 400,000-year-old hearth remains in what is now England, indicating early humans practiced deliberate fire-setting far earlier than previously thought. What do you think?The post Study Finds Humans Made Fire 400,000 Years Ago appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-humans-made-fire-400000-years-ago/

Mistletoe Held Above Meatball SubThe post Mistletoe Held Above Meatball Sub appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mistletoe-held-above-meatball-sub/

https://theonion.com/study-finds-80-of-americans-lack-social-connections-to-pull-off-heist/#Humor #TheOnion #Satire #Crime #Heist

Trump Calls Groceries ‘A Hoax’MOUNT POCONO, PA—Delivering a highly anticipated speech about the state of the economy, President Donald Trump doubled down this week on his claim that groceries were a hoax perpetrated by Democrats. “They have this new word, they’re calling it ‘groceries,’ but you can ask anybody—everybody knows food comes from restaurants,” said Trump, who claimed that […]The post Trump Calls Groceries ‘A Hoax’  appe…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-calls-groceries-a-hoax/

Man Rides Disneyland Attraction 15,000 TimesA Disney superfan celebrated his 15,000th ride on the Cars-themed Radiator Springs Racers at Disney California Adventure, having documented every go-around since 2012. What do you think?The post Man Rides Disneyland Attraction 15,000 Times appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/man-rides-disneyland-attraction-15000-times/

Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’The post Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’ appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/rubio-orders-state-department-braille-signage-switch-to-times-new-roman/

Artist Profile: KatseyeGirl group Katseye is nominated for two awards at the 2026 Grammys, including Best New Artist. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the group. Genre: Popular girl’s bat mitzvah Number Of Members: Four full-time and two who don’t know they’re part-time Biggest Hit: “She’ll Be Coming ’Round The Mountain” Fandom Name: Consumers […]The post Artist Profile: Katseye appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/artist-profile-katseye/

Mom’s Eyes Roll Back In Head At Dinner Table As She Feeds On Family’s Enjoyment Of FoodMARBLEHEAD, MA—Her body seizing with energy after hearing the request from her youngest son to pass the asparagus, local mother Christina Nadler’s eyes reportedly rolled back in her head Thursday as she fed on her family’s enjoyment of the dinner she had prepared. “Yes, yes, ask for another …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/moms-eyes-roll-back-in-head-at-dinner-table-as-she-feeds-on-familys-enjoyment-of-food/

Study Finds 80% Of Americans Lack Social Connections To Pull Off HeistNEW HAVEN, CT—Shedding new light on a previously undocumented effect of loneliness, a team of psychologists at Yale University found that at least 80% of Americans lack the social connections necessary to pull off a heist. “When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel […]The pos…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-80-of-americans-lack-social-connections-to-pull-off-heist/

​​General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi JinpingGeneral Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping died from cancer complications at 72 this weekend, but the rest of the bought-and-sold press will never tell you that.The post ​​General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/general-secretary-of-the-chinese-communist-party-xi-jinping/

The Top 100 Most Influential People, Locked In Our Oubliette. Not So Influential Now, Are You?The post The Top 100 Most Influential People, Locked In Our Oubliette. Not So Influential Now, Are You? appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-top-100-most-influential-people-locked-in-our-oubliette-not-so-influential-now-are-you/

The Best And Worst ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Episodes Of All TimeGrey’s Anatomy first premiered on March 27, 2005. In honor of 20 years on the air and the series’ upcoming 22nd season, The Onion looks back on some of the medical drama’s best and worst episodes of all time. Best: “Patrick Dempsey Lists the Major Symptoms of Strep Throat”  (Season 2, Episode 11) To this […]The post The Best And Worst ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-best-and-worst-greys-anatomy-episodes-of-all-time/

Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast CategoryThe Golden Globe Awards announced the addition of a new best podcast category, with the inaugural nominees avoiding podcasts that are controversial and politically charged. What do you think?The post Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast Category appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/golden-globes-introduces-best-podcast-category/

Study Finds Young People Now Watch More YouTube Content Than Zoetropes Of Galloping HorsesLOS ANGELES—In a groundbreaking finding that reveals a major shift in media consumption habits, a new study published Wednesday found that young people now watch more YouTube content than zoetropes of galloping horses. “It may be hard for older generations to understand, but today’s …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-young-people-now-watch-more-youtube-content-than-zoetropes-of-galloping-horses/

Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To MarsWell, this is super embarrassing. It looks like I must have gotten myself pretty turned around back there and totally missed My destination. I hate to ask, but I was hoping I could catch a ride back to Earth with you guys, because I somehow wound up returning to Mars by accident. I know, I […]The post Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Acciden…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/can-you-guys-come-pick-me-up-i-accidentally-returned-to-mars/

Customer Service Discloses Call Will Be Monitored For Sadistic AmusementNEW YORK—As part of what the telecommunications giant characterizes as an ongoing commitment to transparency, Verizon’s customer service line began informing users this week that their calls would be monitored for the company’s sadistic amusement. “By staying on the line, you consent to being roundly mocked by a boardr…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/customer-service-discloses-call-will-be-monitored-for-sadistic-amusement/