Wandering Adventure Party

Bari Weiss Claims Ideological Diversity Begins And Ends With HerThe post Bari Weiss Claims Ideological Diversity Begins And Ends With Her appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/bari-weiss-claims-ideological-diversity-begins-and-ends-with-her/

Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of SleepBOSTON—Prompting exclamations of astonishment from colleagues and supervisors, local man Joshua Lingard reportedly appeared entirely unrecognizable Wednesday after enjoying a full eight hours of sleep. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even realize it was Josh without those dark bags under his eyes and his usual lifeless monotone,” said Lingard’s coworker Alison Conners, who gasped…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/man-unrecognizable-after-full-8-hours-of-sleep/

Manslaughter Honked AtThe post Manslaughter Honked At appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/manslaughter-honked-at/

Trump Claims U.S. Used ‘Discombobulator’ Weapon In Maduro RaidPresident Donald Trump said the U.S. used a weapon he referred to as “the discombobulator” to capture former Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, claiming it made the enemy equipment “not work.” What do you think?The post Trump Claims U.S. Used ‘Discombobulator’ Weapon In Maduro Raid appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-claims-u-s-used-discombobulator-weapon-in-maduro-raid/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Gregory BovinoGregory Bovino, who was responsible for immigration enforcement operations in Minnesota, has been ousted as the U.S. Border Patrol’s “commander at large.” The Onion sat down with Bovino to discuss his career at the agency. The Onion: What would you say to people who call you Gestapo? Bovino: I’d ask why they aren’t speaking English. […]The post The Onion’s Exc…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-gregory-bovino/

Alex Honnold Successfully Free Solos Taipei 101 SkyscraperClimber Alex Honnold successfully scaled the Taipei 101 skyscraper, the 11th tallest in the world, without a harness, ropes, or any other safety equipment. What do you think?The post Alex Honnold Successfully Free Solos Taipei 101 Skyscraper appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/alex-honnold-successfully-free-solos-taipei-101-skyscraper/

‘Dad’s Under A Lot Of Pressure At Work,’ Says Woman Of Husband Who Spends Half Day Playing ‘Clash Of Clans’TACOMA, WA—Urging her kids to cut their dad some slack amid the added stressors of his work life, area woman Ashlyn Bergman reportedly informed her children Tuesday that their father, who typically spends half his workday playing Clash Of Clans on his phon…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dads-under-a-lot-of-pressure-at-work-says-woman-of-husband-who-spends-half-day-playing-clash-of-clans/

Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying ReportThe post Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/police-ask-for-publics-help-in-falsifying-report/

Dove Finally Admits Some People UglyHOBOKEN, NJ—In a major shift from the company’s decades-long focus on inner beauty, personal care product brand Dove finally admitted Tuesday that some people are ugly. “Despite years of claims that people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, we are now prepared to agree that there are some butterfaced uggos out there whose looks […]The post Dove Finally Admits Some People Ugly appeared…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dove-finally-admits-some-people-ugly/

Peter BarnellServices for Peter Barnell, 72, will be held Friday. The family asks that each attendee take home a portion of the remains because they don’t want any leftovers.The post Peter Barnell appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/peter-barnell/

ICE Issues Ransom Note Demanding $65 Billion If U.S. Wants To See Minnesota AgainWASHINGTON—Claiming the nation’s beloved North Star State was in peril, Immigration and Customs Enforcement issued a ransom note Tuesday that told the United States to pay $65 billion if it ever wanted to see Minnesota again. “The $65 billion should be placed in an unmarked federal appropriations bill—i…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ice-issues-ransom-note-demanding-65-billion-if-u-s-wants-to-see-minnesota-again/

JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were HeckledThe post JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were Heckled appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jd-vance-places-candle-outside-hooters-where-ice-agents-were-heckled/

Canned Tuna Recalled For Potentially Fatal Botulism Mistakenly ReshippedPreviously quarantined cans of yellowfin tuna that were recalled due to a defective pull tab which could introduce botulism, a potentially fatal form of food poisoning, were mistakenly reshipped to stores in at least nine states. What do you think?The post Canned Tuna Recalled For Potentially Fatal Botulism Mistakenly…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/canned-tuna-recalled-for-potentially-fatal-botulism-mistakenly-reshipped/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model CitizenWASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing MurdersWASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

That’s Norway to Treat a LadyThe post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/

God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To DieTHE HEAVENS—Warning His subjects that they should not mess with His carefully laid plans by playing hero, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, reportedly informed humanity Monday that choking people were meant to die. “I created all things—do you really think I would fuck up and make human throats clog on accident? This is divine […]The post God Informs Humanity Chok…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/god-informs-humanity-choking-people-meant-to-die/

Sean McDermott Expresses Gratitude To The People, If You Want To Call Them That, Of BuffaloBUFFALO, NY—Giving thanks for the hospitality shown to him and his family throughout his tenure with the team, recently terminated Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott reportedly expressed his gratitude Monday to the people, if you want to use that term, of Buffalo. “For the past …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/sean-mcdermott-expresses-gratitude-to-the-people-if-you-want-to-call-them-that-of-buffalo/

What To Know About Trump’s Board Of PeacePresident Donald Trump signed the charter for his “Board of Peace” Thursday, establishing himself as presiding chairman of a new international body aimed at resolving global conflicts. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the organization. Q: What is the board’s stated aim? A: To finally end the impending threat of global cooperation. […]The post What To Know About …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-trumps-board-of-peace/

‘Sinners’ Sets Oscar Record With 16 NominationsRyan Coogler’s Southern Gothic vampire period piece Sinners received 16 Academy Award nominations, surpassing the previous record of 14 nominations held by All About Eve, Titanic, and La La Land. What do you think?The post ‘Sinners’ Sets Oscar Record With 16 Nominations appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/sinners-sets-oscar-record-with-16-nominations/