Wandering Adventure Party

One Of Nation’s Oldest Newspapers Shutters After Almost 240 YearsThe Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, one of the nation’s oldest newspapers with roots dating back to 1786, will cease all operations after years of financial losses and labor disputes, with the closure leaving a major local news void. What do you think?The post One Of Nation’s Oldest Newspapers Shutters After Almost 240 Years appeared first…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/one-of-nations-oldest-newspapers-shutters-after-almost-240-years/

Study Finds Crows Able To Recognize Faces Had Work DoneITHACA, NY—Revealing the bird species has the capacity to detect botox, fillers, and even laser hair removal, a study published Thursday in the Journal Of Avian Biology found that crows are able to recognize faces that have had work done. “It’s clear from observational data that crows have a keen ability to not only detect, but […]The post Study Finds…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-crows-able-to-recognize-faces-had-work-done/

Archaeologists: D.C. Capitol May Have Once Been Used For LegislatingWASHINGTON—Calling the discovery the “clearest proof yet” of how the U.S. government was originally designed to function, archaeologists published new evidence Thursday that suggests the Capitol building in Washington, D.C., may have once been used for legislating. In their academic paper, the researchers wrote that the sprawlin…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/archaeologists-d-c-capitol-may-have-once-been-used-for-legislating/

Foreskin ScrapbookedMILL VALLEY, CA—Having proudly removed the piece of shriveled penile flesh from its bag and laid it next to her large selection of craft supplies, local mother Emily Taylor spent the afternoon scrapbooking her son’s foreskin, wincing sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the foreskin, which had belonged to her 6-day-old infant son before being snipped […]The post Foreskin Scrapbooked appeared first on The On…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/foreskin-scrapbooked/

You’re Bidding Against BlackRockThis charming property offers the perfect blend of comfort and convenience, which is exactly why it’s going to be purchased by the world’s largest asset manager. Good luck! Maybe they’ll rent it to you. Reference #68370The post You’re Bidding Against BlackRock appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/youre-bidding-against-blackrock/

In Tents SituationThe post In Tents Situation appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/in-tents-situation/

Ref Under Uprights Sheepishly Waits To Do ‘Good’ Sign Until Other Ref Does It FirstThe post Ref Under Uprights Sheepishly Waits To Do ‘Good’ Sign Until Other Ref Does It First appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ref-under-uprights-sheepishly-waits-to-do-good-sign-until-other-ref-does-it-first/

Caleb Williams Signals Boisterous Chicago Home Crowd To Eat Less LoudlyCHICAGO—Pleading with fans to rein in their excitement during Saturday’s pivotal wild card matchup, Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams was reportedly forced to signal the boisterous home crowd at Soldier Field to eat less loudly. “The way these rowdy Bears fans are chewing, smacking their lips, and grunting as they…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/caleb-williams-signals-boisterous-chicago-home-crowd-to-eat-less-loudly/

‘We’ll Take It From Here, Boys,’ Says Kash Patel To Confused Minneapolis Mail CarrierThe post ‘We’ll Take It From Here, Boys,’ Says Kash Patel To Confused Minneapolis Mail Carrier appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/well-take-it-from-here-boys-says-kash-patel-to-confused-minneapolis-mail-carrier/

DHS Releases Watchlist Of Mothers Driving CarsWASHINGTON—Circulating a new advisory that highlighted what it called the “worst of the worst,” the Department of Homeland Security released a watchlist Friday warning Americans about the presence of mothers driving cars. “Please be on the lookout for the following mothers, who are confirmed to be in possession of dangerous vehicles and should be met […]The post DHS Re…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dhs-releases-watchlist-of-mothers-driving-cars/

JD Vance Claims Renée Good Had No Authority To Be Alive In First PlaceThe post JD Vance Claims Renée Good Had No Authority To Be Alive In First Place appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jd-vance-claims-renee-good-had-no-authority-to-be-alive-in-first-place/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Stephen MillerWhite House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller has been the force behind many of President Trump’s hard-line policies, including a “zero tolerance” immigration system, the Muslim ban, and, most recently, threats to annex Greenland. The Onion sat down with the “America First” policymaker to discuss his time in the administration. The Onion : How do […]The pos…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-stephen-miller/

Fox News Sends Trump Quarterly Tithe Of 3 Blond AnchorsWASHINGTON—Saying the sumptuous gift should slake the administration’s thirst for the next few months, Fox News sent President Donald Trump its quarterly tithe of three blond anchors, White House sources confirmed Friday. “We have traveled south to the White House steps to present you with these three Kayleighs,” said Fox Corporation CEO Lachlan Murdoc…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/fox-news-sends-trump-quarterly-tithe-of-3-blond-anchors/

Ken Burns Announces New 10-Part ‘Mr. Biscuits’ Documentary After Adopting CatWALPOLE, NH—Revealing that the series would force Americans to rethink everything they thought they knew about the “cute little fuzzball,” filmmaker Ken Burns announced Friday the release of Mr. Biscuits, a 10-part documentary about the cat he adopted from a local animal shelter. “For decades, I thought The Civi…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ken-burns-announces-new-10-part-mr-biscuits-documentary-after-adopting-cat/

Timeline Of U.S. Interventions In Latin AmericaThe Trump administration’s strikes on Venezuela are part of a long history of American involvement in the region. The Onion looks back at the history of U.S. interventions in Latin America.  500 B.C. So far so good. 1899 The United Fruit Company begins its noble quest to spread the love of healthy eating throughout Latin […]The post Timeline Of U.S. Interventions In L…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/timeline-of-u-s-interventions-in-latin-america/

U.K. Bans Junk Food AdvertisementsThe United Kingdom banned junk food advertisements on television before 9 p.m. and at any time online, part of a drive to tackle childhood obesity. What do you think?The post U.K. Bans Junk Food Advertisements appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/u-k-bans-junk-food-advertisements/

DHS Warns Any Action By Americans Will Be Treated As Domestic TerrorismWASHINGTON—Claiming that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent who fatally shot 37-year-old Minneapolis resident Renee Good as she drove away from him was “fully justified,” Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem warned Thursday that any action taken by Americans would be treated as domestic terrorism. “Make no …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dhs-warns-any-action-by-americans-will-be-treated-as-domestic-terrorism/

Fact-Checking The Trump Administration On VenezuelaPresident Donald Trump has made a number of claims about the future of Venezuela since U.S. special forces raided the country and captured President Nicolás Maduro and his wife. The Onion assesses the veracity of the president’s statements. Claim: The U.S. attacked Venezuela for its oil. Partially True: Also for bloodlust. Claim: Venezuela stole oil […]The po…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/fact-checking-the-trump-administration-on-venezuela/

Kristi Noem Calls Fatal Minneapolis Shooting CatharticThe post Kristi Noem Calls Fatal Minneapolis Shooting Cathartic appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-fatal-minneapolis-shooting-cathartic/

RFK Jr. Recommends Drinking Anything That Comes Out Of CowWASHINGTON—Claiming that most people only get a fraction of the benefits the “nutritional gold mine” has to offer, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued new dietary guidelines this week encouraging Americans to drink anything that comes out of a cow. “While milk is already an established part of many American diets, it’s really only […]Th…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/rfk-jr-recommends-drinking-anything-that-comes-out-of-cow/