Wandering Adventure Party

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s PedophiliaPALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/

Menopause: Myth Vs. FactMisinformation concerning menopause abounds. The Onion’s health experts examine the myths versus the facts.  MYTH: Hot flashes are the first sign of menopause. FACT: Sharing an AI image of a golden retriever with angel wings is the first sign of menopause.  MYTH: Going through menopause is a miserable experience. FACT: Many women actually enjoy the […]The post Menopause: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/menopause-myth-vs-fact/

Artist Profile: Cameron WinterCameron Winter, the Geese frontman who made his solo debut with the LP Heavy Metal, has been hailed by fans as a Gen Z Leonard Cohen. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. Vocal Style: A lot Biggest Musical Influence: Spotify Smart Shuffle Childhood Nickname: Future Geese frontman Cameron Winter Source […]The post Artist Profile: Cameron Winter appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/artist-profile-cameron-winter/

Duffer Brothers Admit They Haven’t Watched ‘Stranger Things’ In YearsLOS ANGELES—Addressing the show’s hotly anticipated finale at a press event this week, Stranger Things co-creators Matt and Ross Duffer admitted to reporters that they haven’t watched the series in years. “We got through most of the first season, mostly because of all the buzz it was getting, but after that we really fell off,”…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/duffer-brothers-admit-they-havent-watched-stranger-things-in-years/

Study Finds 93% Of Murders Solved By Consulting Victim’s Pet ParrotWASHINGTON—According to a nationwide crime study by the FBI’s National Incident-Based Reporting System, just over 93% of all murder cases solved by local, state, and federal police in the past 10 years were resolved by consulting the victim’s beloved pet parrot. “In some cases, the break is simple and the bird will squawk the kill…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-93-of-murders-solved-by-consulting-victims-pet-parrot/

Why Are We Doing Dry January?The post Why Are We Doing Dry January? appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/why-are-we-doing-dry-january/

How To Stick To Your New Year’s ResolutionsEach January, millions of Americans vow to improve something about themselves, but many struggle with the commitments they make. Here are tips for sticking to your New Year’s resolutions. Hire a hitman to shoot you in between the eyes if you even so much as look at a cigarette. Tell your coworkers about your plan […]The post How To Stick To Your New Year’s Resolutions appeare…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/how-to-stick-to-your-new-years-resolutions/

Trump Appoints Self To Divine MusesWASHINGTON—Claiming that his longstanding interest in the arts made him a perfect fit for the role, President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that he had appointed himself to the divine muses. “Many are saying these nine inspirational goddesses have become beholden to DEI and woke ideology, so I’m ascending Mount Helicon as a muse to make […]The post Trump Appoints Self To Divine Muses appea…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-appoints-self-to-divine-muses/

George Clooney, 1,000 Paparazzi Granted French CitizenshipThe post George Clooney, 1,000 Paparazzi Granted French Citizenship appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/george-clooney-1000-paparazzi-granted-french-citizenship/

Bloated Nation Struggling To Work Way Through Leftover RijstevlaaiWASHINGTON—Wondering aloud about whose idea it was to make so much gebakje in the first place, bloated Americans across the nation confirmed Tuesday that they were still struggling to work their way through all of the leftover rijstevlaai from the holidays. “Don’t get me wrong, I usually can’t get enough rijstevlaai in December, b…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/bloated-nation-struggling-to-work-way-through-leftover-rijstevlaai/

To Cirrhosis With LoveThe post To Cirrhosis With Love appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/to-cirrhosis-with-love/

https://theonion.com/report-average-americans-retirement-plan-involves-richard-gere-falling-for-them-after-paying-for-sex/ #Humor #Satire #TheOnion

Disney Licenses Characters For Use On OpenAI Video GeneratorDisney announced it will license over 200 Disney, Marvel, Pixar, and Star Wars characters for use on OpenAI’s Sora video-generating platform, with the deal also including a $1 billion investment in the AI company. What do you think?The post Disney Licenses Characters For Use On OpenAI Video Generator appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/disney-licenses-characters-for-use-on-openai-video-generator/

Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above HeadWASHINGTON—Amid ongoing concerns over the aging president’s medical status, health speculations reportedly swirled Monday after President Donald Trump was seen with damage numbers above his head. “Recent photos of Trump appear to show him sustaining a series of double- and triple-digit damage values during a press event, f…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-as-trump-seen-with-damage-numbers-above-head/

Tech Billionaires Threaten To Flee California Over Proposed Vest TaxSAN FRANCISCO—Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to flee California on Monday over a proposed statewide vest tax. “If the legislature passes this measure, you can bet that countless entrepreneurs and venture capitalists are going to pack th…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/tech-billionaires-threaten-to-flee-california-over-proposed-vest-tax/

Images Of National Parks Replaced With Trump’s Face On Annual PassesThe Interior Department announced plans to replace a picturesque image of Glacier National Park on the 2026 “America the Beautiful” pass with President Trump’s face, prompting a lawsuit from an environmental group. What do you think?The post Images Of National Parks Replaced With Trump’s Face On Annual Passes appeared first on…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/images-of-national-parks-replaced-with-trumps-face-on-annual-passes/

MTA Admits To Fabricating Large Parts Of Subway MapNEW YORK—In an effort to bring greater transparency to the city’s public transit system, New York’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority released a statement Monday admitting that large parts of its subway map had been fabricated. “Despite the common belief that the map is an accurate representation of the nation’s largest subway system, it in fact depicts [……#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mta-admits-to-fabricating-large-parts-of-subway-map/

Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To GoThe post Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To Go appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/felt-beard-taped-to-childs-face-hanging-on-for-dear-life-with-entire-christmas-pageant-to-go/

Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!Seasons greetings from your old friend Santa! With Christmas just a few short days away, Santa is hard at work at the North Pole, making presents for all you good boys and girls. But this year, Santa will come down the chimney a little gingerly, because Santa is very sore from attempting to regrow his […]The post Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ho-ho-ho-im-regrowing-my-foreskin-2/

McConaissance Quietly ConcludesThe post McConaissance Quietly Concludes appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mcconaissance-quietly-concludes/