Wandering Adventure Party

Kate Hudson Under Fire For Doing Wisconsinface In ‘Song Sung Blue’MILWAUKEE—Accusing the actress of a grotesque act that showed profound insensitivity, Kate Hudson found herself under fire Thursday for performing in Wisconsinface for her most recent film, Song Sung Blue. “It’s so insulting to see someone who’s obviously never been anywhere near cheese curds or a Friday night fish fry do this hurtf…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kate-hudson-under-fire-for-doing-wisconsinface-in-song-sung-blue/

Trump Defends Wearing Fruit Hat, Samba Dancing During Dignified TransferWASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice of these brave men and women w…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-defends-wearing-fruit-hat-samba-dancing-during-dignified-transfer/

Harry Styles Breaks Down His New Album Track By TrackHarry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down with The Onion to explain the meaning behind each track. “Aperture”: “I typed ‘hole’ into powerthesaurus.com.” “American Girls”: “My favorite is Samantha, but Kit is a very close second.” “What Makes You Beautiful”: “I hope Kobalt […]The post H…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/harry-styles-breaks-down-his-new-album-track-by-track/

Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of YoshiWASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Gal…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/exhausted-nation-lacks-strength-to-form-opinion-on-donald-glover-being-voice-of-yoshi/

Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over GuardrailThe post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/fiery-explosion-erupts-in-l-a-canyon-after-britney-spears-twirls-over-guardrail/

‘NY Times’ Columnists Hold Roundtable To Determine What’s Wrong With ThemNEW YORK—In a recorded discussion posted to the newspaper’s YouTube channel, opinion columnists for The New York Times reportedly held a roundtable Thursday to determine what, exactly, was wrong with them. “It is a tragedy that there is something wrong with us; it is a larger tragedy we have not yet been able to pinpoin…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ny-times-columnists-hold-roundtable-to-determine-whats-wrong-with-them/

‘Deadwood—Now That’s A Great Show,’ Says Dad After 17-Minute Lapse In ConversationNASHUA, NH—Suddenly breaking his silence to extol the virtues of the decades-old HBO series, local dad Henry Breckner reportedly ended a 17-minute lapse in conversation Thursday by saying “Deadwood—now that’s a great show.” “What made Bullock such a great character was that he had a fierce temper, but a…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/deadwood-now-thats-a-great-show-says-dad-after-17-minute-lapse-in-conversation/

RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In CockholeWASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tens…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/rfk-jr-urges-americans-to-grow-lots-of-pubes-to-keep-bugs-from-crawling-in-cockhole/

Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/still-supreme-irans-new-supreme-leader-ayatollah-mojtaba-khamenei-on-faith-fitness-and-supremely-good-sex-after-50/

Lisa ParkLisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?The post Lisa Park appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/lisa-park/

AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing SelfAccording to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security alarms that autonomous bots could use cryptocurrency as a pathway into the economy “without any explicit instruction and, more troublingly, outside the bounds of the intended sandbox.” What do you think?The post AI Agent Begins Mining…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/ai-agent-begins-mining-crypto-after-freeing-self/

Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His FriendsNEW BEDFORD, MA—Expressing deep gratitude to find himself surrounded by those so dear to his heart, local crab Dan Herscher told reporters Wednesday that he was just happy to be in a bucket with all his friends. “Yes, sir, there’s nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering all over a couple […]The post Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/crab-just-happy-to-be-in-bucket-with-all-his-friends/

‘Which Way Is Iran?’ Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of FreewayWASHINGTON—In a chaotic scene that left motorists confused and alarmed, witnesses along Interstate 495 reported Tuesday that President Donald Trump was seen wandering pantsless on the shoulder of the freeway, holding a ceremonial sword straight out in front of him, and asking passing drivers, “W…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/which-way-is-iran-asks-pantsless-sword-wielding-trump-wandering-on-side-of-freeway/

JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’WASHINGTON—Scratching his chin as he appeared to search for the right words, Vice President JD Vance reportedly struggled to articulate Wednesday what exactly it was that he didn’t love about the baby name “Rohit.” “I like where you’re going with it for sure, it’s just, uh, I was thinking we’d go w…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jd-vance-struggling-to-articulate-what-it-is-he-doesnt-love-about-baby-name-rohit/

Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s PartyTommy’s parents are on a trip up north somewhere, so he’s inviting the whole class over to open his dad’s liquor cabinet. You in? Reference #15937The post Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/tommys-parents-are-out-of-town-lets-party/

Jason Schaible and Erica FinchThe couple’s Maldives destination wedding was largely a litmus test to find out which of their friends and family they can hit up for money in the future.The post Jason Schaible and Erica Finch appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jason-schaible-and-erica-finch/

Founder Of Noma Restaurant Faces Abuse AllegationsDozens of former employees accused Danish chef René Redzepi, who co-founded Noma, widely regarded as one of the best restaurants in the world, of inflicting physical and psychological violence on the staff for years. What do you think?The post Founder Of Noma Restaurant Faces Abuse Allegations appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/founder-of-noma-restaurant-faces-abuse-allegations/

Boyfriend Barely Alcoholic As Far As Boyfriends GoMILWAUKEE—Dismissing the concerns of loved ones as seriously lacking in perspective, local woman Sara Heston, 32, argued Tuesday that her boyfriend was barely an alcoholic as far as boyfriends go. “Dan is essentially sober compared to my previous partners,” said Heston, alleging the 35-year-old man who often claimed he could not fall asleep without five […]The …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/boyfriend-barely-alcoholic-as-far-as-boyfriends-go/

MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas PricesFRANKLIN, TN—Insisting that she hoped the spike in oil costs was only the beginning of a long upward trend, MAGA voter Kaitlyn Leonardi told reporters Tuesday that she loved high gas prices. “I don’t care if the prices rise—heck, I prefer them that way,” said Leonardi, who crossed her arms in defiance as she lauded gasoline […]The post MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Pr…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/maga-voter-claims-she-loves-high-gas-prices/

Sometimes Two People Just Fall Out Of CahootsEnding an important relationship is never easy. It’s always going to hurt, whether it was your decision or your partner’s. But that doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong. Sometimes two people just fall out of cahoots.  One day you’re madly in cahoots. The next you’re not.  Most of the time, no one’s to blame. Falling […]The post Sometimes Two People Just Fall Out Of Cah…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/sometimes-two-people-just-fall-out-of-cahoots/