Wandering Adventure Party

Jason McNamarraJason McNamarra, 28, did technically swallow that sword.The post Jason McNamarra appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jason-mcnamarra/

What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP BenefitsNew work requirements for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program have gone into effect across the nation, threatening benefits for millions of Americans. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new SNAP restrictions. Q: Why were new work requirements put in place? A: Barb Klimath of La Crosse, WI, saw someone pay for […]The p…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-new-requirements-for-snap-benefits/

Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of TimePHILADELPHIA—Hailing the discovery as a major step forward in the understanding of human psychology, University of Pennsylvania researchers published a study Monday revealing that mourning loved ones is a huge waste of time. “Contrary to past assumptions, our work suggests grieving a lost family member or friend is really just throwing away precious time on …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-mourning-loved-ones-a-huge-waste-of-time/

IT Guy Warns Employees Not To Trust Emails He Sends After A Few DrinksDENVER—Saying strange formatting and grammatical mistakes were a dead giveaway that such messages weren’t to be trusted, local IT specialist Mark Tapley warned employees this week not to trust emails he sends after a few drinks. “Personal security is my priority here, so I’d advise everyone in the office to disregard any e…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/it-guy-warns-employees-not-to-trust-emails-he-sends-after-a-few-drinks/

It Wasn’t Called ‘The 2008 RV Market Crash,’ Was It?Why risk losing a costly stationary house when this Class C motor home can also transport you away from floods and fires. Reference #023478The post It Wasn’t Called ‘The 2008 RV Market Crash,’ Was It? appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/it-wasnt-called-the-2008-rv-market-crash-was-it/

Kristi Noem Fired As DHS SecretaryKristi Noem was fired from her post as Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security and will be replaced by Senator Markwayne Mullin (R-OK), the embattled Noem’s exit following intense public backlash to her handling of Trump’s immigration crackdown and mishandling of department funds. What do you think?The post Kristi Noem Fired As DHS Secretary appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kristi-noem-fired-as-dhs-secretary/

Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDAWASHINGTON—Characterizing her new role in the middle of an Iowa corn field as a better fit for her skill set, the White House announced Friday that former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem had been reassigned as a scarecrow at the USDA. “While she clearly struggled in her prior position, we realized Kristi still had more […]The post Kristi Noem Reassigned To …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kristi-noem-reassigned-to-scarecrow-role-at-usda/

Trump To Americans: ‘You Won’t Have To Pay Your Son’s Cell Phone Bill When He Dies At War’WASHINGTON—Striking a note of optimism as the prospects for a protracted conflict with Iran grew likelier, President Trump on Friday urged Americans to bear in mind that they’ll no longer have to pay their son’s cell phone bill if he dies at war. “You may be grieving at first, but, believ…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-to-americans-you-wont-have-to-pay-your-sons-cell-phone-bill-when-he-dies-at-war/

Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, ForeheadThe post Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/stoic-kristi-noem-bears-firing-with-stiff-upper-lip-chin-cheeks-forehead/

DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography CaseLongtime Justice Department employee Timothy Parsons, a legal staffer in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Washington, D.C., was arrested and charged in a child pornography case and is facing federal criminal charges in Maryland. What do you think?The post DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography Case appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/doj-employee-charged-in-child-pornography-case/

Tips For Researching Local CandidatesVoting in local elections is key to democracy. The Onion shares tips for researching candidates on the ballot in your community.  First, learn the name of the town or city you live in, and ideally the state as well. Decide exactly how important it is to you that your vote is informed. Ensure your preferred […]The post Tips For Researching Local Candidates appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/tips-for-researching-local-candidates/

Prosecutors Unable To Attend Live Nation Trial After Scalpers Buy Every TicketNEW YORK—Jeopardizing the fate of what could be a landmark federal antitrust trial, U.S. prosecutors were reportedly unable to attend the Live Nation trial Friday after scalpers bought every ticket. “Ah, shit, I promised my daughter I was going to prosecute Live Nation for her birthday,” said David E. Dahlq…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/prosecutors-unable-to-attend-live-nation-trial-after-scalpers-buy-every-ticket/

Royal Family Quietly Removes Prince Andrew’s Line Of Salad Dressings From U.K. Grocery StoresLONDON—Faced with continuing public outrage over the former prince’s ties to notorious pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, the British royal family on Friday quietly removed Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor’s popular line of salad dressings from stores. “For decades, British consumers have asso…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/royal-family-quietly-removes-prince-andrews-line-of-salad-dressings-from-u-k-grocery-stores/

Trump Defends Addition Of   Ballroom To    Air Force OneWASHINGTON—Having abandoned his pledge not to let construction interfere with the plane’s existing structure or aerodynamic design, President Donald Trump defended on Thursday his decision to add a “magnificent” neoclassical ballroom to Air Force One. Trump, who appeared dismissive of photos that showed an excavator ripping into the famed Boeing 747, told…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-defends-addition-of-ballroom-to-air-force-one/

EPA Unveils Plan To Make Water ChunkierWASHINGTON—In an effort to provide a “more hearty, spoonable drinking experience,” the Environmental Protection Agency announced Thursday a sweeping new initiative to make all U.S. tap water chunkier by 2030. “For too long, Americans have had to put up with thin, dull water, but we’re going to cut through all of the unnecessary red tape and […]The post EPA Unveils Plan To Make Water…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/epa-unveils-plan-to-make-water-chunkier/

Pat Yelsh and Jordan MenzStatistically speaking, not every wedding is going to be magical.The post Pat Yelsh and Jordan Menz appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/pat-yelsh-and-jordan-menz/

Trump’s War On Iran: Myth Vs. FactThe White House has defended strikes on Iran, stating that the country’s leaders are “paying for their crimes against America.” The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding President Trump’s war. MYTH: As commander-in-chief, Trump has the authority to take military action. FACT: It is unconstitutional for a U.S. president to declare war without the […]The post Trump’s War On Iran: Myth Vs.…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trumps-war-on-iran-myth-vs-fact/

Kevin Durant Terrified After Encountering Bobblehead Of SelfHOUSTON—Paralyzed with fear at the unexpected sight of the miniature figurine, Houston Rockets forward Kevin Durant reportedly screamed in terror Tuesday after unexpectedly coming face-to-face with a bobblehead version of himself. “Who…who are—what do you want from me?” said the visibly trembling 15-time all-star, who nervously backed away fr…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kevin-durant-terrified-after-encountering-bobblehead-of-self/

Internship Providing Woman With Hands-On-Shoulders ExperienceThe post Internship Providing Woman With Hands-On-Shoulders Experience appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/internship-providing-woman-with-hands-on-shoulders-experience/

Beatrice FaganIf the body of Beatrice Fagan, 88, is not claimed within one year, her corpse will be sold at a state-sponsored auction.The post Beatrice Fagan appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/beatrice-fagan/