Wandering Adventure Party

JD Vance Reminded To Use White House Service EntranceWASHINGTON—During a confrontation in which it was firmly reiterated that the front entrance was for approved personnel only, Vice President JD Vance was once again reminded by White House security to use the service door, sources confirmed Tuesday.  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop right there. You know the rule. You’ll need to use the service entrance […]The post…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/jd-vance-reminded-to-use-white-house-service-entrance/

Great Home For Hand SoapThis 3-by-4-inch plastic dish is a perfect place for you to sleep and live if you are a block of hand soap. If you are not a block of hand soap, this would likely not be a good place for you, unfortunately. Contact now! Reference #57675The post Great Home For Hand Soap appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/great-home-for-hand-soap/

Quentin Tarantino Slams Paul Dano As Worst Actor On WikifeetLOS ANGELES—In a shockingly personal attack on the actor’s arches, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino made comments Friday slamming Paul Dano as the worst actor on Wikifeet. “Paul Dano’s got the weakest soles on Wikifeet,” Tarantino said during a podcast appearance, calling Dano’s feet “nasty, gnarled stompers” compared to a peer like Austin Butler’…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/quentin-tarantino-slams-paul-dano-as-worst-actor-on-wikifeet/

Malaysia Bans Social Media For Children Under 16Starting in 2026, Malaysia will ban social media accounts for anyone under 16, joining other countries such as Australia in imposing digital age limits. What do you think?The post Malaysia Bans Social Media For Children Under 16 appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/malaysia-bans-social-media-for-children-under-16/

Japanese Company Unveils Human Washing MachineA Japanese tech firm has developed a capsule-style human washing machine, which is able to automatically wash and dry a person. What do you think?The post Japanese Company Unveils Human Washing Machine appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/japanese-company-unveils-human-washing-machine/

Pete Hegseth Invokes ‘Fog Of War’ After Pissing In Break Room RefrigeratorARLINGTON, VA—Describing the incident as a split-second operational judgment made under rapidly evolving conditions, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth invoked the “fog of war” Thursday to explain why he urinated inside a Pentagon break room refrigerator. “In the heat of the moment, you’ve got to make a decision, and som…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-invokes-fog-of-war-after-pissing-in-break-room-refrigerator/

‘Marty Supreme’ Director Explains Film Slight Dramatization Of Real-Life LeBron JamesNEW YORK—Confirming his new film fell somewhere between fact and fiction, director Josh Safdie explained to reporters Friday that Marty Supreme was a slight dramatization of LeBron James’ life. “I wouldn’t call it a biopic, exactly, but yes, Marty Supreme is about King James,” said the filmmaker…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/marty-supreme-director-explains-film-slight-dramatization-of-real-life-lebron-james/

I’d Sooner Let My Family Starve Than Exaggerate My Marketing  Experience On My ResumeIn the world of business, integrity is everything. There has to be a baseline level of trust, or the entire system collapses. That’s why I make honesty a top priority in my professional life, even in situations where bending the truth a little would be to my personal benefit. For example, I woul…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/id-sooner-let-my-family-starve-than-exaggerate-my-marketing-experience-on-my-resume/

Pros And Cons Of War With VenezuelaTensions between the United States and Venezuela are escalating, with President Trump stating that land strikes on drug traffickers could come “very soon.” The Onion examines the pros and cons of entering a war against Venezuela. PRO “Caracas” fun to say Raises total number of countries Americans can name to respectable nine Would be nice […]The post Pros And Cons Of War With Venezuela appe…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-war-with-venezuela/

Vatican Formally Recognizes First Gen Z DemonVATICAN CITY—In a milestone many Roman Catholics hope will bring the church into the 21st century, Vatican officials issued a statement Tuesday formally recognizing Generation Z’s first demon. “For his innovative use of digital communications to torment and possess the Christian faithful, Melapheus, better known by his online handle DiabolusMel, is hereby accorded full de…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/vatican-formally-recognizes-first-gen-z-demon/

Reyna Cobb and Luke ButlerThe bride and groom want to call what happened on Saturday a wedding, but it wasn’t even in a church—and they both wore tennis shoes!The post Reyna Cobb and Luke Butler appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/reyna-cobb-and-luke-butler/

Mike GomezMike Gomez, 50, died Friday after learning that even a saltwater crocodile can be pushed too far.The post Mike Gomez appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mike-gomez/

@emarktaylor.bsky.social The Onion started here in Madison, so when I came to college, I vividly remember picking up a print copy at one of the student unions not knowing what it was. I paged through and found an article entitled "Boba Fett was a Renaissance Man."

Haunted By Teenager Learning To Play DrumsThis two-bedroom ranch-style house will gradually become more livable as the ghost finds his rhythm. Reference #37290The post Haunted By Teenager Learning To Play Drums appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/haunted-by-teenager-learning-to-play-drums/

Sweet Potato Dish Stopped Being Healthy 5 Ingredients AgoThe post Sweet Potato Dish Stopped Being Healthy 5 Ingredients Ago appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/sweet-potato-dish-stopped-being-healthy-5-ingredients-ago/

Divisio, the Malevolent MathgicianThe citizens of Algebrania let out a mighty cheer after the wicked sorcerer Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician, 3,500, was turned to dust by seventh grader Ben Louise correctly multiplying the denominators.The post Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/divisio-the-malevolent-mathgician/

Crenellated AestheticFor those who know what “crenellated” means, like we do, this house has it (or them). Crenels here, crenels there. Just a ton of that good stuff. Reference #49308The post Crenellated Aesthetic appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/crenellated-aesthetic/

Breaking: The Darkness ReturnsWASHINGTON—With deep unease and outright horror haunting millions of Americans as a great shroud enveloped the land, late-breaking reports confirmed Monday that the darkness had returned. Bystanders first spotted the churning, amorphous black fog at 2:37 p.m., when it arose from the shadows and crept toward small towns and cornfields in the Midwest. From there, […]The post Breaking: The Darkness Retur…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/breaking-the-darkness-returns/

https://theonion.com/ice-agent-7-year-old-both-wearing-same-military-commando-halloween-costume/ #TheOnion #Humor #Satire #Halloween #USPol

Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal VentilatorThe post Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal Ventilator appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-accused-of-using-makeup-to-conceal-ventilator/