Wandering Adventure Party

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White HouseThe post Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-invites-caucasian-half-of-alysa-liu-to-visit-white-house/

What To Know About The SAVE America ActIf passed into law, the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act will create new barriers to voting in federal elections by requiring documentation of citizenship to register and imposing strict photo-identification rules at polling places. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the SAVE America Act. Q: What is the goal of the bill? […]The post What To Know About The SAV…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-save-america-act/

RFK Jr. Claims Anti-Protein Extremists Left Head Of Lettuce On His DoorstepWASHINGTON—Saying his advocacy for consuming animal products had painted a target on his back, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed Monday that anti-protein extremists had left a head of lettuce on his doorstep. “Yesterday morning when my wife went out to get the paper, she discovered …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/rfk-jr-claims-anti-protein-extremists-left-head-of-lettuce-on-his-doorstep/

NHL Launches $800 Marketing Campaign In Major Push To Attract New FansNEW YORK—In an unprecedented effort to “pour gas on the fire” and grow the popularity of the league, NHL officials announced Monday that it was launching a new $800 marketing campaign in a major push to attract new fans. “Move over, NFL and NBA, because we are pulling out all the stops to make the […]The post NHL Launches …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nhl-launches-800-marketing-campaign-in-major-push-to-attract-new-fans/

God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To LeaveTHE HEAVENS—Admitting He felt torn between His true feelings and His fear of the unknown, the Lord God Almighty announced Monday that He no longer loved humanity but was too afraid to leave. “Any affection I ever had for the human race is long gone, but I’m just terrified at the thought of walking away […]The post God Admits He No …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/god-admits-he-no-longer-loves-humanity-but-is-too-afraid-to-leave/

Mexico To Deploy Robotic Police Dogs For 2026 FIFA World CupMexico introduced tactical robot dogs as part of security preparations for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, with officials claiming the robotic units will assist police with surveillance, monitoring, and intervention operations during the international soccer tournament. What do you think?The post Mexico To Deploy Robotic Police Dogs For 2026 FIFA W…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mexico-to-deploy-robotic-police-dogs-for-2026-fifa-world-cup/

Olympians Showered With Mortadella Confetti During Milan Closing CeremoniesThe post Olympians Showered With Mortadella Confetti During Milan Closing Ceremonies appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/olympians-showered-with-mortadella-confetti-during-milan-closing-ceremonies/

Potomac River Flooded With 240 Million Gallons Of SewageThe Potomac River, a waterway that winds through the nation’s capital, is in the midst of an ecological crisis after one of the largest sewage spills in U.S. history, with over 240 million gallons of raw human waste threatening the health of the river and the safety of those who depend on it. What do […]The post Potomac River Flooded With 240 Millio…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/potomac-river-flooded-with-240-million-gallons-of-sewage/

Alysa Liu Uses Gold Medal To Gauge EarThe post Alysa Liu Uses Gold Medal To Gauge Ear appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/alysa-liu-uses-gold-medal-to-gauge-ear/

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child RapeThe post Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-suffers-setback-unrelated-to-child-rape/

Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince AndrewWASHINGTON—Exhausted from repeated efforts to explain the most basic aspect of political power, an aide to President Trump nevertheless began wearily explaining for the fifth time Friday why he couldn’t pardon the former Prince Andrew. “I know Andrew is a good man who’s been treated terribly, but you remember when…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/aide-wearily-begins-5th-explanation-of-why-trump-cant-pardon-prince-andrew/

Dad Urges Daughter To Show Off High School Spanish With Guy On Street Speaking SpanishLONG BEACH, CA—Encouraging his child to put her language skills to good use, local father Paul Feldman urged his daughter Alice to show off her high school Spanish with a guy on the street speaking Spanish, sources confirmed Friday. “This is a great opportunity to show off that B+ you got in…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dad-urges-daughter-to-show-off-high-school-spanish-with-guy-on-street-speaking-spanish/

Lewis Hamilton Wondering If It Red Flag After Date Keeps Calling Ex ‘Crazy’BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Shifting uncomfortably in his chair and glancing around for the waiter, Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton was wondering if the fact his date kept describing her ex as “crazy” was a red flag, sources confirmed Friday. “She’s going on and on about all this allegedly insane stuff he’s said and done, …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/lewis-hamilton-wondering-if-it-red-flag-after-date-keeps-calling-ex-crazy/

Buffalo Wild Wings Allowed To Continue Using ‘Boneless’ Chicken On MenuA U.S. district judge ruled Buffalo Wild Wings can continue to call its popular menu item “boneless wings” even though they are “essentially chicken nuggets.” What do you think?The post Buffalo Wild Wings Allowed To Continue Using ‘Boneless’ Chicken On Menu appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/buffalo-wild-wings-allowed-to-continue-using-boneless-chicken-on-menu/

Universe Practically Stumbling Over Itself To Reward Man’s Decision To Stop Making ArtSAN ANTONIO—Remarking upon the charmed existence he had led since changing his course in life, former illustrator Allan Mansour confirmed Friday that the universe had practically been stumbling over itself to reward him for his decision to stop making art. “Gosh, my bank account is full, my p…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/universe-practically-stumbling-over-itself-to-reward-mans-decision-to-stop-making-art/

Pros And Cons Of Drug AdvertisingThe U.S. and New Zealand are the only two countries in the world that allow direct-to-consumer prescription drug advertising. The Onion examines the pros and cons of pharmaceutical ads.  PRO Great way to learn about exciting new side effects Lets international tourists visiting U.S. know exactly what they’re in for Good reminder to not take […]The post Pros And Cons Of Drug Advertising appeared…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-drug-advertising/

Kobe Bryant Mural Includes Graffitied Footnote About Eagle, ColoradoThe post Kobe Bryant Mural Includes Graffitied Footnote About Eagle, Colorado appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kobe-bryant-mural-includes-graffitied-footnote-about-eagle-colorado/

RFK Jr. Claims Keto Diet Cures SchizophreniaHealth Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed that a high-fat, low-carbohydrate diet, widely known as the keto diet, can cure certain psychiatric conditions including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, citing a Harvard physician “Dr. Pollan” who doesn’t appear to exist. What do you think?The post RFK Jr. Claims Keto Diet Cures Schizophrenia appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/rfk-jr-claims-keto-diet-cures-schizophrenia/

Study Finds Intermittent Fasting No More Effective Than Conventional Eating DisorderNEW YORK—In a discovery that increased doubt about the popular diet trend, a study published Thursday by Columbia University researchers found that intermittent fasting was no more effective than conventional eating disorders. “While abstaining from food for several hours has gained far-reaching…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-intermittent-fasting-no-more-effective-than-conventional-eating-disorder/

Nation’s Friends From College Announce They Need Someone To Lean On During DivorceAKRON, OH—Replying to a sparse text thread that had been only marginally active over the past few years, the nation’s friends from college announced Thursday that they would need someone to lean on during their divorce. “We know that we kind of fell off the face of the earth after getting married, bu…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nations-friends-from-college-announce-they-need-someone-to-lean-on-during-divorce/