did they not have enough money to pay this guy for his lines??? why are we summarizing what he said when he's right there and conscious enough to speak??? #monsterdon

see? they're wearing black? they can't be storm troopers. #monsterdon

they're so cute! so angry and cute! #monsterdon

sorry random french lady, ya didn't make it. #monsterdon

... is the robot from the southern US??? #monsterdon

i think this movie heard about pacing once, and decided it didn't like it. #monsterdon

CHRIS!? looking good, my man! (too bad about the rest of this movie.) #monsterdon

Surprise Attack of the Count, the name of my next vampire-themed visual kei band. #monsterdon

here, take my revenge!
oh no thanks, i just ate.
#monsterdon

now THIS is what we could have had with the mexican wrestlers and the mummy. #monsterdon

lol the door wasn't even closed before she started ordering people around, that was hilarious. #monsterdon

okay, giant beach robot is kinda cool tho. #monsterdon

the characters have to keep telling us what happened because even the writers knew no one would bloody know. #monsterdon

hey! she found some clothes! good for her! #monsterdon

okay, we've seen the laser magic trick thing twice now, is it gonna serve a purpose in the third act, or do we think they just wanted to show off a special effect. #monsterdon

wait, is the Greatest American Hero dead? did they kill him? lololol
#monsterdon

oh yes, what a shock, the space-cop betrayed us. shocking, yes indeed. #monsterdon

so... the robot is gonna keep her heart beating through the subzero temps by... holding her hand? okay. #monsterdon

oh, bummer, he's alive. #monsterdon

female character as ass-kicking space captain, male character as has to get his ass kicked to activate his powers/healer. okay, this movie is bad, let's face it, but it's not that bad. #monsterdon