OUCH!
-
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest -
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest@cstross I admire the reviewer's dedication. I would have stopped at the title and never watched the thing.
[Trump will now no doubt sue the Guardian for defamation]
-
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interestThe review in @GetCarter 's thread is one of those recycled quotes that actually comes from elsewhere according to Snopes; but lower in the thread people have suggested that the ticket sales for these places can be accounted for *entirely* by the news/magazine movie reviewers who did not have advance screenings.
Steve Carter (@GetCarter@mastodonapp.uk)
Attached: 1 image The review to end all reviews.
Mastodon App UK (mastodonapp.uk)
#Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #VueCinema #Islington #Amazon
-
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest -
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest@cstross
The review attributed to Variety seemed helpful:
If it was shown on an aircraft people would still walk out. -
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest@cstross
However, if we assume the purpose was to give Ms Trump $30M (a contribution to her Running Away Fund?) then it presumably counts as a success. -
The review in @GetCarter 's thread is one of those recycled quotes that actually comes from elsewhere according to Snopes; but lower in the thread people have suggested that the ticket sales for these places can be accounted for *entirely* by the news/magazine movie reviewers who did not have advance screenings.
Steve Carter (@GetCarter@mastodonapp.uk)
Attached: 1 image The review to end all reviews.
Mastodon App UK (mastodonapp.uk)
#Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #VueCinema #Islington #Amazon
They're not far off, either.
I just turned up this. Apparently, 4 people joined The Metro's reviewer on opening night, plus an additional 1 who was apparently another movie reviewer.
So a third of the audience was people who were being paid to watch the movie. (-:
I sat in a near-empty cinema for Melania - here's what I thought
Journalist Kimberley Bond was one of only a handful of people at her screening of the controversial new documentary about the life of the First Lady.
Metro (metro.co.uk)
Amusing coincidence: Kimberley Bond also writes features for Cosmo.
@GetCarter
#Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #Amazon #TheMetro -
They're not far off, either.
I just turned up this. Apparently, 4 people joined The Metro's reviewer on opening night, plus an additional 1 who was apparently another movie reviewer.
So a third of the audience was people who were being paid to watch the movie. (-:
I sat in a near-empty cinema for Melania - here's what I thought
Journalist Kimberley Bond was one of only a handful of people at her screening of the controversial new documentary about the life of the First Lady.
Metro (metro.co.uk)
Amusing coincidence: Kimberley Bond also writes features for Cosmo.
@GetCarter
#Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #Amazon #TheMetro@JdeBP @cstross @GetCarter making someone watch that for their job should be an OSHA violation.
-
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest@cstross I’m looking forward to seeing the box office numbers on this one
-
OUCH! "It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch"
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jan/30/melania-review-trump-film-is-a-gilded-trash-remake-of-the-zone-of-interest@cstross
reddit.com/r/esist/comments/1qqqe05/get_in_were_messing_up_melanias_amazon_searchGet in. We're messing up Melania's Amazon search results
This weekend, Amazon is premiering its $40 million Melania Trump documentary. It already seems to be a flop.
But we're going to take it one step further by messing up Melania's Amazon search results. Specifically, we're going to amplify the paranormal erotic thriller novel Melania: Devourer of Men so it ranks higher than her movie. {MORE} -
@cstross
reddit.com/r/esist/comments/1qqqe05/get_in_were_messing_up_melanias_amazon_searchGet in. We're messing up Melania's Amazon search results
This weekend, Amazon is premiering its $40 million Melania Trump documentary. It already seems to be a flop.
But we're going to take it one step further by messing up Melania's Amazon search results. Specifically, we're going to amplify the paranormal erotic thriller novel Melania: Devourer of Men so it ranks higher than her movie. {MORE}The book is perfect: It's absurd, the cover is ridiculous, and it's free, so we're not giving Amazon any money.
redditors have already pushed the book high: It's currently the 15th result when you search "Melania Trump." That's crazy. 2 days ago it wasn't even on the first page. With a little more push, we can keep this moving up the charts. We just need people to:
"Buy" the book (it's free)
Share this post and get other people to buy the book. {MORE} -
The book is perfect: It's absurd, the cover is ridiculous, and it's free, so we're not giving Amazon any money.
redditors have already pushed the book high: It's currently the 15th result when you search "Melania Trump." That's crazy. 2 days ago it wasn't even on the first page. With a little more push, we can keep this moving up the charts. We just need people to:
"Buy" the book (it's free)
Share this post and get other people to buy the book. {MORE}That's it. Then we can celebrate as an erotic novel about a bat monster Melania Trump becomes a higher and higher search result on Amazon.
Please share!
UPDATE:
IT'S WORKING. This book is now the EIGHTH result on Amazon when you search for Melania Trump. We are going UP!!! KEEP SHARING! -
@JdeBP @cstross @GetCarter making someone watch that for their job should be an OSHA violation.
I too was concerned for their wellbeing afterwards.
And they don't have the option of doing what that lady who left after 20 minutes did.
JdeBP (@JdeBP@mastodon.scot)
@GetCarter@mastodonapp.uk Who on Earth were those three people in Islington? And are they alright afterwards? https://mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/melania-trump-suffers-humiliating-blow-36629616 #Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #VueCinema #Islington
mastodon.scot (mastodon.scot)
The Daily Record reported a total of 16 tickets sold in Edinburgh and Glasgow as of this morning. ABC reported 50 pre-booked tickets across the whole of Australia for opening day.
Melania Trump documentary sells just 16 tickets in Scotland for opening day
The low sales reflect a global trend of disinterest in Melania, a feature-length documentary produced by Amazon.
Daily Record (dailyrecord.co.uk)
Laughing at Melania's ticket sales? You might be missing the point
Dire box office sales surrounding the US first lady's bio-doc have made headlines, but some argue there's likely a good reason Jeff Bezos's Amazon MGM Studios has splashed so much cash on MELANIA.
(abc.net.au)
-
@JdeBP @cstross @GetCarter making someone watch that for their job should be an OSHA violation.
@arrrg @JdeBP @GetCarter There is no OSHA in the UK. (Different laws, different enforcement regime.)
-
They're not far off, either.
I just turned up this. Apparently, 4 people joined The Metro's reviewer on opening night, plus an additional 1 who was apparently another movie reviewer.
So a third of the audience was people who were being paid to watch the movie. (-:
I sat in a near-empty cinema for Melania - here's what I thought
Journalist Kimberley Bond was one of only a handful of people at her screening of the controversial new documentary about the life of the First Lady.
Metro (metro.co.uk)
Amusing coincidence: Kimberley Bond also writes features for Cosmo.
@GetCarter
#Melania #MelaniaTrump #USMovies #Amazon #TheMetroJust checked the local Vue bookings.
Melania 5 showings, 6 tickets. One pair in three showing, two showings empty.
Sponge Bob Square Pants (Could be another Trump film from the title) 4 showings, 48 tickets.
-
That's it. Then we can celebrate as an erotic novel about a bat monster Melania Trump becomes a higher and higher search result on Amazon.
Please share!
UPDATE:
IT'S WORKING. This book is now the EIGHTH result on Amazon when you search for Melania Trump. We are going UP!!! KEEP SHARING!@503bartley @cstross the author's picture is the police sketch of D.B. Cooper, which I very much appreciate.
-
H HeinousTugboat shared this topic
-
@503bartley @cstross the author's picture is the police sketch of D.B. Cooper, which I very much appreciate.
@503bartley @cstross oh my fuckin' god look at his other titles XD
-
The book is perfect: It's absurd, the cover is ridiculous, and it's free, so we're not giving Amazon any money.
redditors have already pushed the book high: It's currently the 15th result when you search "Melania Trump." That's crazy. 2 days ago it wasn't even on the first page. With a little more push, we can keep this moving up the charts. We just need people to:
"Buy" the book (it's free)
Share this post and get other people to buy the book. {MORE}@503bartley @cstross plus, it's always good to support D B Cooper in his second, lower risk but less financially rewarding, career
-
@cstross
reddit.com/r/esist/comments/1qqqe05/get_in_were_messing_up_melanias_amazon_searchGet in. We're messing up Melania's Amazon search results
This weekend, Amazon is premiering its $40 million Melania Trump documentary. It already seems to be a flop.
But we're going to take it one step further by messing up Melania's Amazon search results. Specifically, we're going to amplify the paranormal erotic thriller novel Melania: Devourer of Men so it ranks higher than her movie. {MORE}@503bartley @cstross Clickable link to Reddit: https://old.reddit.com/r/esist/comments/1qqqe05/get_in_were_messing_up_melanias_amazon_search/
And direct link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HN9XC1H
-
That's it. Then we can celebrate as an erotic novel about a bat monster Melania Trump becomes a higher and higher search result on Amazon.
Please share!
UPDATE:
IT'S WORKING. This book is now the EIGHTH result on Amazon when you search for Melania Trump. We are going UP!!! KEEP SHARING!@503bartley @cstross It’s number 2 as of 30 seconds ago, for me at least
