No new updates at the moment, but please remember, even when you're not seeing new footage or hearing new stories, Minneapolis (and the surrounding area of MN) is still occupied & under constant attack.
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Those things aren't contradictory. Acknowledging my limitations & leaning into my strengths is how I'm going to do this.
I am not going to carry pointless shame anymore, & I'm not going to pick up loads that are too heavy for me to carry.
That's not what anyone needs from me. They need me, giving my best, however I can.
Y'all, we're letting go of the shame that doesn't serve us & going forward in love.
We will push ourselves when necessary. It's going to be a big push for me to get myself more connected locally. That's a hard task I have to take on. It stresses me out, it feels so difficult, but I *know* the payoff is worth it a hundredfold.
What we will not do is push ourselves unnecessarily. We will not run our giving tank down to zero. We will care for ourselves. We will honor & accept our limitations.
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Here's my little tiny bit about op-sec I hope helps you.
If you aren't using Signal. Start using Signal. I mean for *everything* texting your family about picking up groceries? Signal. Texting your family about showing up to resistance training? Signal.
Figure out how to verify your Signal contacts. Basically in-person you scan some QR codes and then you know there's no man in the middle.
Recruit your new friends into Signal.
Do not settle for WhatsApp or Telegram.
Send documents via Signal not Email.
Set your chats to have a disappearing messages timer by default. I use 4wks default but sometimes set it as low as 5min for some convos.
Get a copy of Tor Browser, and use it for research related to resistance.
DuckDuckGo has an .onion URL search link, use that in tor browser (it's a built in option I think).
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Y'all, we're letting go of the shame that doesn't serve us & going forward in love.
We will push ourselves when necessary. It's going to be a big push for me to get myself more connected locally. That's a hard task I have to take on. It stresses me out, it feels so difficult, but I *know* the payoff is worth it a hundredfold.
What we will not do is push ourselves unnecessarily. We will not run our giving tank down to zero. We will care for ourselves. We will honor & accept our limitations.
It is so hard for me to honor my limitations. I've spent nearly 3 1/2 decades burning out to meet other people's expectations.
Because "I'm sorry, I couldn't get myself out of the house" feels like it is *never* fucking valid. Not ever. "Normal people" don't struggle to keep simple social commitments, so I don't feel allowed to give myself space or not take on things that are too much for me. People are often very unkind if you are bad at things they think are easy.
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Send documents via Signal not Email.
Set your chats to have a disappearing messages timer by default. I use 4wks default but sometimes set it as low as 5min for some convos.
Get a copy of Tor Browser, and use it for research related to resistance.
DuckDuckGo has an .onion URL search link, use that in tor browser (it's a built in option I think).
Get Tor Browser on your phone as well. It works just fine on Android. It isn't possible to use on iPhones because they only allow reskinned versions of safari on iPhones.
If you can afford it, get a Pixel phone, used is fine, and install GrapheneOS on it. If you want high security for location tracking don't put google stuff in your main profile, create a profile just for google apps.
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It is so hard for me to honor my limitations. I've spent nearly 3 1/2 decades burning out to meet other people's expectations.
Because "I'm sorry, I couldn't get myself out of the house" feels like it is *never* fucking valid. Not ever. "Normal people" don't struggle to keep simple social commitments, so I don't feel allowed to give myself space or not take on things that are too much for me. People are often very unkind if you are bad at things they think are easy.
@artemis big agree, I feel like this so often- blaming myself for not being able to do something simple because I'm able to do a completely unrelated thing that is very not simple
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Get Tor Browser on your phone as well. It works just fine on Android. It isn't possible to use on iPhones because they only allow reskinned versions of safari on iPhones.
If you can afford it, get a Pixel phone, used is fine, and install GrapheneOS on it. If you want high security for location tracking don't put google stuff in your main profile, create a profile just for google apps.
On android you can use Orbot and tell it to route Signal through the tor network. So then people won't know who is sending messages by tracking IP addresses.
Finally, don't use biometric unlock on your phone. EVER. Use a pin, because cops can legally just force you to put your finger on your phone.
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On android you can use Orbot and tell it to route Signal through the tor network. So then people won't know who is sending messages by tracking IP addresses.
Finally, don't use biometric unlock on your phone. EVER. Use a pin, because cops can legally just force you to put your finger on your phone.
If you want to do research and things on a computer and you don't want it to leave any trace on your computer, get yourself a copy of TAILS OS for a USB stick. You put it on a USB stick, and then boot your windows/PC computer with it, you now route everything through Tor, have Tor browser, and nothing is saved on the USB stick. Everything you do disappears as soon as you reboot and remove the USB stick.
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It is so hard for me to honor my limitations. I've spent nearly 3 1/2 decades burning out to meet other people's expectations.
Because "I'm sorry, I couldn't get myself out of the house" feels like it is *never* fucking valid. Not ever. "Normal people" don't struggle to keep simple social commitments, so I don't feel allowed to give myself space or not take on things that are too much for me. People are often very unkind if you are bad at things they think are easy.
I'm going through a new round of accepting my disability & asserting my worth & dignity.
It is so hard sometimes, even in very accepting spaces. Even with people who have the same difficulties (internalized ableism is a trip)!
This is tough. It's tough for me to write this thread & not apologize for what a shitty, flaky, lazy person I feel I am sometimes. But no, I'm not doing that anymore & neither are you.
We are going to be so kind to ourselves. And then we are going to give the fash hell!
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If you want to do research and things on a computer and you don't want it to leave any trace on your computer, get yourself a copy of TAILS OS for a USB stick. You put it on a USB stick, and then boot your windows/PC computer with it, you now route everything through Tor, have Tor browser, and nothing is saved on the USB stick. Everything you do disappears as soon as you reboot and remove the USB stick.
My sister has ADHD and so I know, keeping track of whether you're doing "all the things" can be a big issue. So, TAILS is really nice because you can boot it up, and you're basically automatically doing all the things. And then reboot and no trace left.
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I really need to get off my ass already & find the people in my city who are preparing for this.
I'm practically a recluse & don't have a car of my own. I also don't like driving, especially at night, which in winter is most of the time.
So I've been really stressed about this, but I should listen to my own advice. I don't need to show up & try to promise help that I'm not actually in a position to give. I need the relationships, information, & training, & then we'll see what needs doing.
@artemis showing up is the first step. then you'll find out what needs doing.
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Send documents via Signal not Email.
Set your chats to have a disappearing messages timer by default. I use 4wks default but sometimes set it as low as 5min for some convos.
Get a copy of Tor Browser, and use it for research related to resistance.
DuckDuckGo has an .onion URL search link, use that in tor browser (it's a built in option I think).
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Yeah, there's a limit on size, but it's probably bigger than most email anyway. I think 20-50MB maybe
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I'm going through a new round of accepting my disability & asserting my worth & dignity.
It is so hard sometimes, even in very accepting spaces. Even with people who have the same difficulties (internalized ableism is a trip)!
This is tough. It's tough for me to write this thread & not apologize for what a shitty, flaky, lazy person I feel I am sometimes. But no, I'm not doing that anymore & neither are you.
We are going to be so kind to ourselves. And then we are going to give the fash hell!
My trauma wants me to cage this all in a bunch of qualifications & promising I'm not "lazy", I swear!
My trauma wants me to say "I promise I'm not trying to shirk or get out of work!"
But why do I need to say that every day to everyone? Why do I feel I must justify my own existence?
We do the hard things when we must, but we don't have to apologize for the fact they are hard for us & we don't have to pretend they're fucking easy.
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My trauma wants me to cage this all in a bunch of qualifications & promising I'm not "lazy", I swear!
My trauma wants me to say "I promise I'm not trying to shirk or get out of work!"
But why do I need to say that every day to everyone? Why do I feel I must justify my own existence?
We do the hard things when we must, but we don't have to apologize for the fact they are hard for us & we don't have to pretend they're fucking easy.
I don't need to apologize to anyone for the fact that getting out of the house is hard for me & group events are stressful.
There is nothing to apologize for. That's the hand I was dealt. Some shit that is easy for other people is really fucking difficult for me.
I'm not sorry this is hard for me, & I'm not going to lie about it.
I do have my skills & abilities. There is useful shit for me to do that is refreshing, not exhausting. I don't have to burn out just to "prove" I am willing to help.
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I don't need to apologize to anyone for the fact that getting out of the house is hard for me & group events are stressful.
There is nothing to apologize for. That's the hand I was dealt. Some shit that is easy for other people is really fucking difficult for me.
I'm not sorry this is hard for me, & I'm not going to lie about it.
I do have my skills & abilities. There is useful shit for me to do that is refreshing, not exhausting. I don't have to burn out just to "prove" I am willing to help.
I know this is the way that I can help other people the most: by caring for & accepting myself so that I will be able to give of myself because there will still be something there to give.
I know that.
I wish I could get my whole heart to believe it.
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I know this is the way that I can help other people the most: by caring for & accepting myself so that I will be able to give of myself because there will still be something there to give.
I know that.
I wish I could get my whole heart to believe it.
This thread is so long because I keep asserting the same things over & over again in different words, in hopes that the knowledge I have in my head will start to seep a little deeper into my heart.
My lord, I have made such amazing progress on self-love & self-acceptance, but I am still carrying a much heavier emotional load than I sometimes acknowledge.
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This thread is so long because I keep asserting the same things over & over again in different words, in hopes that the knowledge I have in my head will start to seep a little deeper into my heart.
My lord, I have made such amazing progress on self-love & self-acceptance, but I am still carrying a much heavier emotional load than I sometimes acknowledge.
Y'all, they traumatize the HELL out of autistic people starting from birth.
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I am deep in my trauma at the moment, just trying to put out the words I think will help me in hopes that they help someone else too.
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@artemis showing up is the first step. then you'll find out what needs doing.
@burnitdown
Exactly! -
I am deep in my trauma at the moment, just trying to put out the words I think will help me in hopes that they help someone else too.
I did not expect to tense up with such shame & stress from writing a thread this morning.
I've been finding so much joy lately in talking with you all & sharing things I've learned.
But it's easier when I am talking to you to speak with abundant grace, love, & compassion. It is not quite so easy for me to speak to & about myself that way.
My whole body is filled with tension. I just hit a deep vein of trauma, & oh there is a lot of ore to be mined.
