searching "arduino keypad" on amazon also suggested I buy a blender.and look, I have a lot of bad ideas for keyboards, but a blender is probably going too far.
here's the page I was linked to (from a tumblr post I've lost track of) on how to turn this off on various TVs: https://www.consumerreports.org/electronics/privacy/how-to-turn-off-smart-tv-snooping-features-a4840102036/
A friend is moving and gave me some of her Keyboard Shit, so I put the unlabeled keycaps on the 30% keyboard to produce the most 1960s Star Trek keyboard I could.