A very difficult year for me is coming to a close. Yet at the same time, one of the best years of my life (so far) has also ended. What a strange 12 months its been.A year ago I started to feel pains and burning in my stomach that nothing seemed to help. They occurred only at night, and they prevented me from sleeping for days at a time. Eventually, they grew into panic attacks, and I had multiple ER trips, terrified I was dying. EKGs, ultrasound scans, CT scans, and even an MRI found nothing. I was diagonsed with acid reflux, put on proton pump inhibitors, and sent on my way.The PPI caused extreme anxiety, and I made several more ER trips because of them before taking myself off of them. Then, I got a slipped disk in my lower back. The pain was enough that I struggled to walk. I spent months waddling around, trying to get through my days, and scared shitless that I was just falling apart. That I'd absolutely destroyed my body through neglect.I also learned that I was probably autistic, and that I was suffering from complext PTSD due to decades of emotional abuse from peers and partners. I took neither of these revelations especially well.And finally, to cllose it all out, I got laid off from my job of five years as an applied data scientist. But I also got married this year, something that I long ago thought would never happen. I got a family doctor this year, and got the support I needed to figure out my medical issues. He put me on SSRIs, and that has helped more than I could ever imagine in feeling like myself again.I reconnected with friends, and found an incredible sense of community among former colleagues. I met my physiotherapist, who has been absolutely incredible, and has helped me recover from my back injury, and has given me the tools to recognize what is injury and damage, and what is just tightness and exhaustion.There is much from this year that I never want to relive, but there is so much that I never want to let go of, too.Onward and upward.
K