Wandering Adventure Party

Artist Profile: KatseyeGirl group Katseye is nominated for two awards at the 2026 Grammys, including Best New Artist. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the group. Genre: Popular girl’s bat mitzvah Number Of Members: Four full-time and two who don’t know they’re part-time Biggest Hit: “She’ll Be Coming ’Round The Mountain” Fandom Name: Consumers […]The post Artist Profile: Katseye appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/artist-profile-katseye/

Mom’s Eyes Roll Back In Head At Dinner Table As She Feeds On Family’s Enjoyment Of FoodMARBLEHEAD, MA—Her body seizing with energy after hearing the request from her youngest son to pass the asparagus, local mother Christina Nadler’s eyes reportedly rolled back in her head Thursday as she fed on her family’s enjoyment of the dinner she had prepared. “Yes, yes, ask for another …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/moms-eyes-roll-back-in-head-at-dinner-table-as-she-feeds-on-familys-enjoyment-of-food/

Study Finds 80% Of Americans Lack Social Connections To Pull Off HeistNEW HAVEN, CT—Shedding new light on a previously undocumented effect of loneliness, a team of psychologists at Yale University found that at least 80% of Americans lack the social connections necessary to pull off a heist. “When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel […]The pos…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-80-of-americans-lack-social-connections-to-pull-off-heist/

​​General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi JinpingGeneral Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping died from cancer complications at 72 this weekend, but the rest of the bought-and-sold press will never tell you that.The post ​​General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/general-secretary-of-the-chinese-communist-party-xi-jinping/

The Top 100 Most Influential People, Locked In Our Oubliette. Not So Influential Now, Are You?The post The Top 100 Most Influential People, Locked In Our Oubliette. Not So Influential Now, Are You? appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-top-100-most-influential-people-locked-in-our-oubliette-not-so-influential-now-are-you/

The Best And Worst ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Episodes Of All TimeGrey’s Anatomy first premiered on March 27, 2005. In honor of 20 years on the air and the series’ upcoming 22nd season, The Onion looks back on some of the medical drama’s best and worst episodes of all time. Best: “Patrick Dempsey Lists the Major Symptoms of Strep Throat”  (Season 2, Episode 11) To this […]The post The Best And Worst ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-best-and-worst-greys-anatomy-episodes-of-all-time/

Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast CategoryThe Golden Globe Awards announced the addition of a new best podcast category, with the inaugural nominees avoiding podcasts that are controversial and politically charged. What do you think?The post Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast Category appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/golden-globes-introduces-best-podcast-category/

Study Finds Young People Now Watch More YouTube Content Than Zoetropes Of Galloping HorsesLOS ANGELES—In a groundbreaking finding that reveals a major shift in media consumption habits, a new study published Wednesday found that young people now watch more YouTube content than zoetropes of galloping horses. “It may be hard for older generations to understand, but today’s …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/study-finds-young-people-now-watch-more-youtube-content-than-zoetropes-of-galloping-horses/

Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To MarsWell, this is super embarrassing. It looks like I must have gotten myself pretty turned around back there and totally missed My destination. I hate to ask, but I was hoping I could catch a ride back to Earth with you guys, because I somehow wound up returning to Mars by accident. I know, I […]The post Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Acciden…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/can-you-guys-come-pick-me-up-i-accidentally-returned-to-mars/

Customer Service Discloses Call Will Be Monitored For Sadistic AmusementNEW YORK—As part of what the telecommunications giant characterizes as an ongoing commitment to transparency, Verizon’s customer service line began informing users this week that their calls would be monitored for the company’s sadistic amusement. “By staying on the line, you consent to being roundly mocked by a boardr…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/customer-service-discloses-call-will-be-monitored-for-sadistic-amusement/

As Featured In FilmThe actual house where Illinois State University sophomores Andy Webber and Tina Gomez shot their 19-minute student film, Rest In Pete. Reference #90835The post As Featured In Film appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/as-featured-in-film/

Harris Thompson and Brad ChaseGuests spent the evening wondering why, if Chase’s family is so loaded, there’s only one guy working behind the bar.The post Harris Thompson and Brad Chase appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/harris-thompson-and-brad-chase/

Fabergé Egg Recovered After Being Swallowed By ThiefPolice in New Zealand recovered a rare $19,000 Fabergé egg pendant swallowed by an alleged thief, with the pendant exiting his body naturally after six days of around-the-clock monitoring. What do you think?The post Fabergé Egg Recovered After Being Swallowed By Thief appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/faberge-egg-recovered-after-being-swallowed-by-thief/

Clinic Closures Force More Rural Americans To Rely On Horse Who Stomps Twice When Patient Has CancerWASHINGTON—In the wake of the Trump administration’s decision to require employers to pay a $100,000 fee in order to hire immigrant physicians on H-1B visas, clinics closures across rural America this week have reportedly forced many residents to rely on a horse w…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/clinic-closures-force-more-rural-americans-to-rely-on-horse-who-stomps-twice-when-patient-has-cancer/

Man Humiliates Himself At Holiday Party By Telling Coworkers He Appreciates ThemCINCINNATI—Saying the man’s reputation was unlikely ever to recover from the embarrassment, sources confirmed Tuesday that local accountant Josh Hunter had completely humiliated himself at his company’s holiday party by telling his coworkers he appreciated them. “It’s normal to have a couple of drinks d…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/man-humiliates-himself-at-holiday-party-by-telling-coworkers-he-appreciates-them/

Hometown Unveils Disappointing MicrobreweryBOERNE, TX—Providing an underwhelming new dining option for those returning to visit family in the area, people who grew up in a small Texas suburb were informed this week that their hometown had unveiled a disappointing local microbrewery. “You like those IPAs, right? They supposedly got lots of those,” said one family member, revealing that the […]The post Hometown Unveils…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/hometown-unveils-disappointing-microbrewery/

Terry Gross Conducts ‘Fresh Air’ Interview On Bluetooth During Uber ShiftPHILADELPHIA—In an effort to earn extra income after Congress rescinded $1.1 billion in funds from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, Fresh Air host Terry Gross reportedly conducted an interview Thursday via Bluetooth during an Uber shift. “And what can you tell us about how bull riding has changed since—oh shit,…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/terry-gross-conducts-fresh-air-interview-on-bluetooth-during-uber-shift/

Japanese Monk RacksBrain For Haiku That Will KnockThem On Their AssesHIRAIZUMI- CHŌ, NISHIIWAI, IWATE, JAPAN— Struggling to decide whether one on fall or spring would rock their shit more, Zen monk Ken Ito strained for a haiku to knock them on their asses. “I could mess them up with that Bashō one about the full moon’s splendor,” the Buddhist monk said Wednesday, seeing a tour […]The post Ja…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/

UnfairportThe post Unfairport appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/unfairport/

Multiple Countries Boycott Eurovision Over Israel’s ParticipationSeveral European broadcasters including Ireland, Spain, and the Netherlands announced a boycott of the 2026 Eurovision Song Contest after Israel was allowed to participate, arguing it’s inappropriate given the humanitarian suffering in Gaza. What do you think?The post Multiple Countries Boycott Eurovision Over Israel’s Participation…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/multiple-countries-boycott-eurovision-over-israels-participation/