Wandering Adventure Party

Data Centers By The NumbersThe surge in AI, cryptocurrency, and other digital assets is rapidly increasing demand for computational infrastructure around the country. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind data centers. 0.8 New pH of your groundwater $900,000,000 What 16GB of RAM will cost next year 4,000 Palm fronds fanned to cool the servers 1 Security […]The post Data Centers By The Numbers appeared first on The Onio…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/data-centers-by-the-numbers/

Anyone Else Have Those Weird Dreams Where Sobbing Future Generations Beg You To Change Course?The human subconscious is such an interesting thing. No matter how much you think you’ve got it figured out, it’ll always spit out the most random stuff. Take me, for example. After coming home from a long day at the world’s most groundbreaking artificial intelligence organiza…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/anyone-else-have-those-weird-dreams-where-sobbing-future-generations-beg-you-to-change-course/

NYPD Arrests Man For Hitting Officers With SnowballThe NYPD arrested a 27-year-old man they accused of striking two police officers with snow and ice during a snowball fight in Washington Square Park, charging him with assaulting a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, and disorderly conduct. What do you think?The post NYPD Arrests Man For Hitting Officers With Snowball appeared first on Th…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nypd-arrests-man-for-hitting-officers-with-snowball/

Shaq Warns Young Players Not To Do Movie About GenieLOS ANGELES—Urging the next generation of NBA talent to learn from his mistakes and avoid going down the wrong path, Shaquille O’Neal issued a stern warning Monday to young basketball players not to star in a movie about a genie. “When you come into the league and suddenly have all this money and fame, it’s easy […]The post Shaq Warns Young Players Not To D…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/shaq-warns-young-players-not-to-do-movie-about-genie/

Nation Forced To Eat 35 Million Canadians To Survive Harsh WinterWASHINGTON—Expressing certainty that they wouldn’t make it to spring without resorting to drastic measures, the American people stated Wednesday that they had been left with no choice but to eat 35 million Canadians to survive the harsh winter.  According to sources, the United States endured below-freezing temperatures and depleted…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nation-forced-to-eat-35-million-canadians-to-survive-harsh-winter/

Trump Boys Try Trading In George Washington Portrait At GameStopWASHINGTON—Still sweating from the 7.5-mile walk from the White House to the video game retailer, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. were spotted Thursday attempting to trade in a 1797 portrait of George Washington at a D.C.-area GameStop. “One PS5, please,” Donald Jr. said as his younger brother Eric pushed the 18th-century Gilbert Stua…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/trump-boys-try-trading-in-george-washington-portrait-at-gamestop/

15 Years Of Saving Just For Your Dad To Call It A ShackSure, you denied yourself many things as you scrimped and saved enough for a down payment on a home, but it’ll all be worth it when your father calls it a total dump. Reference #59893The post 15 Years Of Saving Just For Your Dad To Call It A Shack appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/15-years-of-saving-just-for-your-dad-to-call-it-a-shack/

Dad’s Favorite Piece Of Media Still Commercial From 2005HIALEAH, FL—Despite ready access to an almost inexhaustible archive of exceptional movies, television shows, and print literature, local dad Brett Colston declared Friday that his favorite piece of media was a commercial from 2005. “I’m not sure if it was a Super Bowl ad originally, but you guys have to see it if I can […]The post Dad’s Favorite Piec…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/dads-favorite-piece-of-media-still-commercial-from-2005/

Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On Little St. JamesWASHINGTON—Amid shocking materials that include a photo in which the word ‘HELP’ has been spelled out with rocks, seaweed, and several stuffed animals, a newly released tranche of Epstein files revealed Friday that Deepak Chopra was still lost on the private island of Little St. James. “From what we can gather, Chopra has been deliri…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/epstein-files-reveal-deepak-chopra-still-lost-on-little-st-james/

Prosthetic Hand Recipient Slowly Relearning To Lick Barbecue Sauce Off FingersCOLUMBUS, OH—Speaking with an unflagging sense of hope despite the long, challenging road ahead of him, prosthetic hand recipient James Bratton told reporters Friday he was slowly learning to lick barbecue sauce off his fingers again. “I’m still getting the hang of moving my sauce-covered hand to my extende…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/prosthetic-hand-recipient-slowly-relearning-to-lick-barbecue-sauce-off-fingers/

Artist Profile: Jelly RollJelly Roll, the artist behind songs “Son Of A Sinner” and “Save Me,” has announced a 2026 tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the singer. Birthplace: Walmart bathroom Legal Name: Davidson County Inmate No. 248323 Genre: Country for people who don’t like music Easily Identifiable By: Tattoo-shaped birthmarks on face Common […]The post Artist Profile: Jelly Roll appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/artist-profile-jelly-roll/

Taylor Swift Pays Off Bride Who Booked Maid Of Honor She WantedNEW YORK—Doing everything within her power to ensure the big day would be absolutely perfect, pop superstar Taylor Swift paid off a bride who had booked the maid of honor she wanted, sources confirmed Friday. “I just really had my heart set on Lindsey,” said the multiplatinum recording artist who reportedly made a cash offer of […]The …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/taylor-swift-pays-off-bride-who-booked-maid-of-honor-she-wanted/

No One At Combine Sure Who Told Prospects To Walk With Water Balloon Between KneesThe post No One At Combine Sure Who Told Prospects To Walk With Water Balloon Between Knees appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/no-one-at-combine-sure-who-told-prospects-to-walk-with-water-balloon-between-knees/

DOJ Fails To Redact Thousands Of Secret Epstein Family Recipes | Onion News NetworkThe post DOJ Fails To Redact Thousands Of Secret Epstein Family Recipes | Onion News Network appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/doj-fails-to-redact-thousands-of-secret-epstein-family-recipes-onion-news-network/

Mother Who Went Missing In 2001 Found AliveA mother in North Carolina who went missing while Christmas shopping 24 years ago was found “alive and well,” though she claimed she did not want to be contacted by her family. What do you think?The post Mother Who Went Missing In 2001 Found Alive appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/mother-who-went-missing-in-2001-found-alive/

Confusing Japanese Glory Hole Has Too Many Bells And WhistlesTOKYO—In a bathroom stall outfitted with a glowing panel of cartoon icons and a series of tubular suction gears that pulsed in choreographed sequence to a cheery welcome jingle, American tourist Trevor Willis acknowledged he was totally overwhelmed Thursday by a confusing Japanese glory hole with way too many bells and whistles. “Okay, so t…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/confusing-japanese-glory-hole-has-too-many-bells-and-whistles/

https://theonion.com/kash-patel-faces-backlash-after-partying-with-nancy-guthries-captors/#Humor #TheOnion #USPol #Satire

Kash Patel Faces Backlash After Partying With Nancy Guthrie’s CaptorsWASHINGTON—As shocking footage surfaced of his participation in the rowdy celebration, FBI director Kash Patel faced backlash Thursday after he was seen partying with the captors of Nancy Guthrie. “I was honored to have been invited to the isolated cabin where Savannah Guthrie’s mother has been strapped to a cot for almost a …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/kash-patel-faces-backlash-after-partying-with-nancy-guthries-captors/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Former Prince AndrewThe British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of counsel, I can only state that my name is […]The po…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-former-prince-andrew/

Death Threat Proves How Much Ex Really CaresCHANDLER, AZ—Noting that he had shown a lot of vulnerability by communicating his true feelings so explicitly, sources confirmed Thursday that an ex’s death threat proved how much he really cares. “When you two were together you often felt that he didn’t put in any effort, so it’s not really fair to turn around and complain about it now,” said those close […]The post Death…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/death-threat-proves-how-much-ex-really-cares/