Try one in your world today
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Sir Mix-a-Lot (unrelated) is a traveling potion salesman who shows up for my party at suspiciously specific times, and generally has discounted potions specifically tailored for whatever they happen to be doing at the time. For example, if they need to be really strong, he’ll have a bottle of Sir Flex-a-Lot’s Magical Muscle Maximizer, which does increase the strength of one’s muscles, but not of their bones or connective tissue (it was designed to be used only in bodybuilding competitions), so whenever the drinker does a STR check, they must also make a CON saving throw to avoid breaking a bone or tendon. Need to decipher an ancient text? Try Sir Scripts-a-Lot’s Polyglottal-in-a-bottle, which will let you read unknown languages, but also comprehend all unknown languages, even those of the plants and animals around you, making it very difficult to concentrate on any one thing. (inspired by https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/springtime)
Pathfinder 2nd edition’s rogue class has an ability chain that allows them to have already bought certain kinds of item, and they declare it while on the adventure already and decide they need it. “Oh yeah, I bought a spyglass when we were in that last town.” The lowest level is for adventuring gear-type stuff, and it’s usable like once per in-game week. Later tiers of it expand the kinds of items and the frequency. You do also mark off the gold the item would have cost.
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That’s certainly not great, but this show has way worse.
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Riffing off the ring:
The Hand of Holding. When held, it can hold items for you and allow to use them with whatever ability you would normally have. Technically helpful in slightly extending your reach, and depending on the niceness of the GM may also mitigate curses or other effects that are triggered by holding the item, since you technically aren’t. You are still essentially wielding, using, and various other verbs-ing the item, so those still hamper you.
Haha I like it
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Bag for holding:
It’s a bag of holding but instead of occupying a bag slot it must be kept in the main hand.
Spellcaster focus could work, but I like imagining a barbarian running lopping heads with a machete and a purse.
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I feel like this would fit here nicely
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Axe with increased crit range (both sides)
Flaming sword (no off switch; do not keep near oil, pa}er, etc.
Shock arrows with electrical damage, stun on crit, compulsion to say some wsgelord shit next time youre talking to a new person each time you use one (non-stacking)
Cold spear, extra bonus damage beyond normal, weather table is always like two steps worse (please get it the fuck out of the city!)
Holy sword-but the sword has incentives to make you act like a cliche of how not to play a paladin
Wand of magic missile (can only target abstractions)
Wand of fireball (two charges per user. Not usable by everyone; made by an angry dramatic kinky trans woman)
Immovable rod (no off switch)
Staff of teleport (fixed targets for each charge, comes with the list. Maybe.)
Tome of stat boost (obnoxious)-comes with compulsions (gym bro[toxic], yoga[toxic], raw milk/crunchiness, quoting Nietzsche or von neumann or something at every opportunity, talking in parables, cringe political opinions)
Bracers of archery, must attempt to do everything with an arrow, thrown knife, or other projectile if even remotely plausible.
Cloak of resistance, resists being worn, being taken off
Magic carpet (ugly)
Magic carpet, slightly funny smelling, totally not from an extraplanar brothel, loses its power for a week if washed.
Glasses of true seeing (also everyone’s naked)
Glasses of ‘true’ seeing (or high tech HUD in a cyberpunk setting), functions as normal, but also projects useful information like phrenology charts, relevant conspiracy theories, the best applicable slurs all in a helpful opaque overlay.
Container of endless water (gross) theres like chunks of algae and stuff, a little silt, definitely at least brackish.
Flagon of endless beer (insultingly cheap, but will still get you drunk. Eventually.) Loojs exactly with, and is magically connected to its twin: flagon of endless actual-cat-piss
boots of haste-functions as normal, but when given the option, you must always choose ‘fast’ over ‘good’, cannot delay actions, etc.
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Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.
Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you’re invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, “HE’S OVER HERE!!!” and tries to give away your location.
The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target’s with every swing.
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Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
that’s some stuff you find in the lunch room of an SCP facility
It’s a furby right?
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Owo what a tewwible cuwse to put on youwselwf…
How do I delete someone else’s comment?
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Cube of instant castle: Say the keyword ‘open’ to transform this cube into a '200x’200 castle. The transformation happens instantly, and if you’re caught in the area of effect, be prepared to get smashed. The cube is hard of hearing.
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Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING
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I hope while they were walking around, a projectile would just donk right into their shield on occasion, just to keep them on their toes.
They walk past a llama pen on the way back to the tavern.
Barkeep: “Uh… I’ll have Gretchen draw you a bath upstairs.”
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Sword of Bludgeoning
+5 impact damage -2 stab damage
Only 10% off, because pommel strikes are op
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Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.
Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you’re invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, “HE’S OVER HERE!!!” and tries to give away your location.
The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target’s with every swing.
I might actually steal that cloak for my D&D campaign lol
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How do I delete someone else’s comment?
You down’t :3
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Bag of folding.
A bag of holding except anything stored in it comes out folded in half.
Sounds really useful actually.
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The “Sword of Instant Regret”. It does 100% DMG, but only stabs the wielder.
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I might actually steal that cloak for my D&D campaign lol
I was thinking something like flight but only in directions away from enemies.
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Alternatively, rolling a 1 makes you roll the damage against yourself, but it’s a permanent loss of max HP as a psychic effect. It kills you if you hit 0 max HP. Anything that would let you recover the max HP, like straight-up wish (greater restoration isn’t good enough) also makes the dagger not work for you any more because you cheated.
With the cheating stipulation I’d personally let greater restoration work too.
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Sounds really useful actually.
Emphasis on anything. I doubt the inkeeper will take kindly to being paid with coins folded in half.
